Monday, December 12, 2011 @10:32 PM
bye bye blogger
as the end of the year 2011 draws near, so does the end of this blog.
yes, after almost 7 years of
irregular postings in this blogspot, i'm moving on. just like how i move on to different phases of my life (i think).
from an uber depressed me - brokenwings @ xanga
to a confused opti-pessimist - dreamywings @ blogspot
to now.... enithcera @ wordpress!
hopefully, to discover and be a normal girl.
hah, i've got a whole head full of arguments on why i am/ am not normal. actually, the main motive for moving is because wordpress has a free app on the iphone whereas for access to blogger, it's a paid app. i'm such a scrooge! LOL. so there, goodbye, so long and ciao blogger~!
Thursday, November 03, 2011 @3:41 PM
perhaps the craziest and longest post
i'm in a very pms-y mood lately.. so much so that even chocolates can't seem to cheer me much. no, not even shopping. *gasp*
sigh. i'm just so tired. so moody. so... god-damn-can't-be-bothered-with-life mode. it's also getting on my nerves coz i'm not being as efficient as i can be at work. which might also further translate to me possibly working late tonight. as much as i don't want to. :(
seriously, who would think working late everyday is fun?? if i could, of course i'd wanna go home and rest. i feel responsible for certain things that must be done and hence, i must finish up before i leave geddit? so stop saying 'you can just do it tomorrow' - coz if i could, i would! duh..
i'm so mean right. sometimes i say it out, sometimes i don't cos i know it'll hurt the party listening. so if not provoked, you won't hear anything mean coming out from me. but if u instigate, you'll get to hear all the hurtful things i'm capable of saying. and if you don't have the aptitude to take it, don't risk it. at some point, i felt that i was close to hitting jason's limit on this. but i'm still indignant.
are we seeing each other too much? like how if you always spend time with someone, sooner or later there's bound to be friction. all these make me reflect about our relationship. issit good? issit going well? when does it suck? do i feel dread?
it's crazy. it drives me crazy. so much so that i avoid and not think about it. but by avoiding i'm not facing the problem. and then when it hits me, i just get depressed all over again.
happened to have a colleague who just proposed to his gf couple weeks back and he was sharing with me, his wedding photography package. to make him feel better, i shared mine with him and gave him some tips on how to save cost. not that i'm a guru.. just some basic stuff others have also told me about.. and then we started talking about wedding dinners, wedding rings, and the lot. i learnt a new lesson:
Al: she demanded that it has to be 0.75 carat
me: OMG, and you bought it?? *looks at my own finger*
Al: ya, she wants what.. what to do. then i did some research and...
me: wow... then what about wedding bands?
Al: haiz, talk about that, she say she only want Tiffany's..
me: OMG! thats gonna cost alot right?
Al: yea, about 4k+...
me: i really need to learn from your wife, i didn't know i could make demands like this!
***
after that, i had a conversation between the different sides of me.
practical cat: sigh, it's small isn't it? but it's just a stone.. no point waste money.
jealous cat: but don't u feel damn sad? everyone u met all got bigger lor.
resigned cat: what to do, he got no money..
practical cat: have a big stone but he don't care about u also no point ma. at least he cares and love u.. he bought the ring to the best of his ability liao.
angry cat: wah, got big stone then no love, got small stone then more love issit?? who say cannot have both??! no money, then propose so early for what? no planning!
practical cat: actually i sort of initiated.. housing must wait very long.. no proposal i probably won't want to start balloting..
loving cat: i'm sure he's working hard for our future.
angry cat: u really sure? i think u work harder then him lor! he got ambition anot? dun have then you die liao! life ahead will just get harder, u better think carefully or regret for life! u still consider young, still got chance to find nice suitors lor!
pessimistic cat: what if he change for the worse? now still young, of course love and care for u. when u're old and money all drained.. will just become an old hag. men can't be trusted.. just look at your 2 cousins.
loving cat: he's not like that, he's a thoughtful guy
worried cat: how ah? future looks so uncertain like that..
confused cat: gahhh.....!! i dunno la! think about this another time ba!
-end of convo-
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @12:24 PM
Insomnia again
Responsibilities are just one of the things that just grow with u as u age. I think today I'm just so close to reaching my breaking point. I just don't want to give a damn to any of it.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Sunday, August 14, 2011 @3:20 PM
lazy weekend
*wipes off some dust from blog*
been so busy, blogging just didn't fit into the schedule somehow. as for today, it's nice to be alone, to have more than half a day to myself (meeting jason for dinner in abit).
some little updates:
have left psb and now joined tisch for 2 weeks. lots of things i wanna do, so little time! not to mention the difficulty with attempting to complete all my work on a mac. the formats all look so different, there's no paint, no right clicks, no delete (u have to drag everything to the trash icon, so lehchey!). but generally the colleagues are nice and, how should i put it, i'm really still trying to adjust to everything i guess. its just so... different. can't put my finger to it.
next on, i've also selected a hdb unit! given my lousy number of 313 our of 338.. thankfully, almost 70 people ahead of me dropped out, so i still had the chance to select a unit on the 8th floor. not the most idea location, but i think u just have to make the best of what u've got. at least it's not the lowest level, or west-facing. so still overall quite happy with the unit. :)
also, mom didn't make much noise or objections about the whole affair (thank god), so i guess so far, all it well. i think.
moving on, i guess the next items to ponder over would be the wedding, savings and home reno ideas. and also, a new exercise regime... i think my belly is getting bigger :(
Tuesday, July 12, 2011 @11:45 AM
depressed again.
today is the 1st time i'll be giving up my chance to select a unit from hdb. giving up, cos i don't wanna stay on the 2nd or 3rd floors that's next to the rubbish chutes.
n then there's the apprehension of facing this similiar dilemma in exactly 1 month's time for the parcvista bto. fked up system from mnd, hdb.. whatever. it's fked up.
or maybe it's some kind of sign from god. sometimes i really can't tell when i'm thinking sensibly and when i'm thinking too much. it makes me feel as if thinking too far ahead is wrong.. when it shouldn't. shall quote some wake-up calls from darren.. his takes on my concerns.
"its a huge responsibility, and many people do not realise that for issues like that. (on housing) they will greatly affect your spending habits. the prolonged pushing and initiative will wear you out over time, there is only that much you can do and after a while you will just wean out and slowly start to despair more and more" (damn spot on!)
"honestly this is up to you, you are 25, well, not too young, not too old, but more importantly u cannot make a decision in your relationships that will affect you long term, in the end also will end up with nothing. you are not thinking too much. we shouldn't conform to society, where this is thinking too much. this is sensible thinking, yes, this is not the norm, thus ppl always says its thinking too much. but however, the realities of society require you to think that much, failing so, please see yourself stuck in the rat race for another 40years and you would be 1 of those people queuing up outside singapore pools every mon wed thur and sat, hoping to get that big break. however what they dun realise is, although circumstances can force you into that state, taking charge and initiative will allow you to break out and do yourself some good."
this is exactly what i feel as well. but does he think that way? idk.
whats his plans for the future? idk.
his ambitions? idk.
what does he thinks about my religion? abt how important it is to me? idk.
why is he smoking? idk.
uncertainties are just killing me slowly right now.
Monday, June 13, 2011 @9:11 PM
bali oh bali
i'm now 25! i got a new job!! i'm going bali this end september!!!! hopefully things can work out in my new job as i take this 5 day trip while still serving my probation! i wonder how i'll possibly cope taking so many days off, but heck.. i'm just happy i'll be able to go to this raved place. :)
and it'll be a new experience, with ee qing and cyinthia's company. 3 gals and just 1 guy... i think it shouldn't be too bad since they're both his poly mates. i should be more worried about myself. :s
next update: housing blues.
waterway terrace 2 - queue no. 544 out of 440 units. and there's less than 20 units that i like left. at the moment, as of this date.. there's probably still 160 people ahead of me that have a chance to choose a unit before it's my turn. no chance liao la :(
parcvista - queue no. 313 out of 338 units. FINALLY, after like what, 8 or 9 ballots?? I'm finally within 100% of flat supply. but this is such a freaking horrid number la.. 308 people ahead of me!! (currently only 5 dropouts) *SOBS*
why oh WHY is it so hard to be able to get the chance to choose a unit i like??? cannot give me 1 digit... cannot get 2 digit... at least give me a 100+ range can or not??? i see both number also want to cry.
have to keep praying. and also, pray that i won't get into trouble revealing where i'm going next! i view so many as friends, yet some i probably shouldn't tell selected few cos word might spread to unintended people! x_x (like how rumors of me leaving the company was going all around the company even before i tendered my resignation! seriously unbelievable!)
must stay positive, stay positive.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 @12:38 AM
Love and sorrows
Singing with 2 potential heartbreakees. Some of the songs bring tears, some vents frustration.. it's really nice there are such relatable songs!
In the midst of also thinking of love quotes (actually more of denial quotes), I came across this that I really liked.
"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away..."
so true..
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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