Thursday, November 03, 2011 @3:41 PM
perhaps the craziest and longest post
i'm in a very pms-y mood lately.. so much so that even chocolates can't seem to cheer me much. no, not even shopping. *gasp*
sigh. i'm just so tired. so moody. so... god-damn-can't-be-bothered-with-life mode. it's also getting on my nerves coz i'm not being as efficient as i can be at work. which might also further translate to me possibly working late tonight. as much as i don't want to. :(
seriously, who would think working late everyday is fun?? if i could, of course i'd wanna go home and rest. i feel responsible for certain things that must be done and hence, i must finish up before i leave geddit? so stop saying 'you can just do it tomorrow' - coz if i could, i would! duh..
i'm so mean right. sometimes i say it out, sometimes i don't cos i know it'll hurt the party listening. so if not provoked, you won't hear anything mean coming out from me. but if u instigate, you'll get to hear all the hurtful things i'm capable of saying. and if you don't have the aptitude to take it, don't risk it. at some point, i felt that i was close to hitting jason's limit on this. but i'm still indignant.
are we seeing each other too much? like how if you always spend time with someone, sooner or later there's bound to be friction. all these make me reflect about our relationship. issit good? issit going well? when does it suck? do i feel dread?
it's crazy. it drives me crazy. so much so that i avoid and not think about it. but by avoiding i'm not facing the problem. and then when it hits me, i just get depressed all over again.
happened to have a colleague who just proposed to his gf couple weeks back and he was sharing with me, his wedding photography package. to make him feel better, i shared mine with him and gave him some tips on how to save cost. not that i'm a guru.. just some basic stuff others have also told me about.. and then we started talking about wedding dinners, wedding rings, and the lot. i learnt a new lesson:
Al: she demanded that it has to be 0.75 carat
me: OMG, and you bought it?? *looks at my own finger*
Al: ya, she wants what.. what to do. then i did some research and...
me: wow... then what about wedding bands?
Al: haiz, talk about that, she say she only want Tiffany's..
me: OMG! thats gonna cost alot right?
Al: yea, about 4k+...
me: i really need to learn from your wife, i didn't know i could make demands like this!
***
after that, i had a conversation between the different sides of me.
practical cat: sigh, it's small isn't it? but it's just a stone.. no point waste money.
jealous cat: but don't u feel damn sad? everyone u met all got bigger lor.
resigned cat: what to do, he got no money..
practical cat: have a big stone but he don't care about u also no point ma. at least he cares and love u.. he bought the ring to the best of his ability liao.
angry cat: wah, got big stone then no love, got small stone then more love issit?? who say cannot have both??! no money, then propose so early for what? no planning!
practical cat: actually i sort of initiated.. housing must wait very long.. no proposal i probably won't want to start balloting..
loving cat: i'm sure he's working hard for our future.
angry cat: u really sure? i think u work harder then him lor! he got ambition anot? dun have then you die liao! life ahead will just get harder, u better think carefully or regret for life! u still consider young, still got chance to find nice suitors lor!
pessimistic cat: what if he change for the worse? now still young, of course love and care for u. when u're old and money all drained.. will just become an old hag. men can't be trusted.. just look at your 2 cousins.
loving cat: he's not like that, he's a thoughtful guy
worried cat: how ah? future looks so uncertain like that..
confused cat: gahhh.....!! i dunno la! think about this another time ba!
-end of convo-