i don't believe it! it has finally been found! ivan bought naruto 17 & 18 from kinokuniya!!!!

yay yay yay yay yay!!!!

god bless ivan! wee~

well, i'm just kinda red all over.. sun-burned and so tanned... i'm just thanking god my mom didn't say a word. i only hope the redness will fade before dnd on monday.

actually, i can't say that i regret it either. it was really fun going to sentosa yesterday with delong one whole big bunch of people. we were like, there from morning till early evening. played alittle volleyball, canoeing in pairs, group swimming and suntanning, and playing monkey in the sea water. i think i'm missing it already..

but i think the only downside that happened is that delong and sunjit got cuts and scratches. basically, injured. and felt that delong's wounds were pretty serious.. can u imagine the soles of your feet splitting in two? ouch. it was a good 3 inch wound! i have no idea how he ignored the pain just by covering it with a couple of plasters, then continue playing volleyball and soccer on the burning hot sand. not to mention soaking in the water with the rest of us. arghz. can't take it. even just remembering it pains me. i just hope it heals quick. and that his dragonboat trainings don't aggrevate it any further. dammit, i feel like a worrywart mother.

well, that day ended with everyone shagged.. and delong, me and sunjit on a taxi. we blamed it on delong for the rain at night since he started singing while we were waiting for a taxi. and because he didn't stop singing in the taxi, neither did the rain stop. as much as i tried to stop him, he wouldn't stop. and the taxi driver just laughed along. the saying goes, that if you can't stop him, join him. and i sang too, though softly. my main motive was just to compete with delong.. and boy were we singing against each other.

then today morning, i had delong come over to watch lord of the rings, the return of the king. we missed it when it was out in the cinema, and i finally finished the series on vcd. i think it's a really good show. the animations were great, and the movie sure dragged long. don't quite like or understand much of the ending though. well, after that, xue ting came over and we watch sweet home alabama. yep, vcd again. haha, was expecting nel, but she couldn't make it and xue ting and i ended up chatting and chatting.

and i realise that i'm a person who is pretty stubborn. it's like, when i believe in something and i'm not convinced by what people say, i'll never take it. then again, if i've never heard about it and someone tells me otherwise. i can be so easy to convince. or in other words, cheated. darn, i just can't figure outside myself well enough. oh whatever. will just look forward to a workout to lose all the junk food i've been eating at sentosa, and today.

yup, spent today morning in school at the gym with leigh. i must say there was quite a number of people... but we managed to get a pretty good workout. =)

after that, i went up and caught a preview of the dnd dance... all i can say is, goodness... if only i could dance like that.. that'll be pretty hot~
haha, just joking..

now i'm still at ivan's place... just watched like, 12 episodes of naruto in one shot. feels great! and i'm thristing for more... but one episode only comes out once, so, darn... but at least i can still watch it~ thank god for a kind soul like ivan to save these episodes for me... and i can only wish my parents buy me a new computer soon!! sigh..

well, yesterday was fun too. watched the dawn of the dead... extremely gory... scary... i didn't like it. i was literally grabbing delong's arm... which is so embarassing... and the ending sucked... ok, it's just my opinion. cos's it's exactly the same moral as resident evil. everyone dies.

so i thought that wasn't very nice... hoping to catch the passion of christ and 50 first dates... but, yeah, cash running low, and times are hard. i don't have anymore allowance, so i can't even buy comics now. arghz. i'm left with no choice but to work. dammit.

but i'll leave that till later... still in holidaying mood and i don't want to let work dry up my soul. got so much to do anyway. if need be, i'll just lock myself up in the room and read... though it'll still be a nice alternative to have delong come by and watch vcds with me. heard from him that he bought part 3 of the lord of the rings! yup, can't wait to watch... so so sad when i couldn't go out to watch the movie in the theaters when it first came out. hmm... i really like watching movies... i hope it's one of the favourite pastimes we'll continue doing.

oh well, think i'll go home now... getting late.

a story
once upon a time, there was a king. the king liked one of his followers very much because he was very wise and always gave very useful advice. therefore the king took him along wherever he went. one day, the king was bitten by a dog, the finger was injured and the wound was getting bad to worse. he then promptly asked this follower of him if that signified a bad sign. the follower said, "good or bad, hard to say." in the end, the condition of the king's finger was just too deteriorate that it had to be cut off immediately.

the king asked the follower again if that was an unpleasant omen. again, the follower gave the same answer, "good or bad, hard to say." the king became very irritated and relentlessly sent the follower to prison without further thinking.

one day, the king went hunting in the jungle. he got excited when he was on the chase of a deer. deeper and deeper he went inside the jungle. in the end, he frantically found himself lost in the jungle. to make thing worse, he got captured by the native people living inside the jungle. they wanted to sacrifice him to their god. but when they noticed that the king had one finger short, they released him at once for he was not a perfect man any longer and it's not worthwhile for sacrificial. the king thus managed to return back to his palace after all. At this point of time, he finally understood the follower's wise quote, "good or bad, hard to say". if he hadn't lost one finger, he could have been killed by the native people.

without further ado, he ordered his men to release the follower, and apologized awkwardly to him. but to the king's amaze, the follower was not mad at him at all. instead, the follower exclaimed, "it wasn't a bad thing that you locked me up."

why? because if the king hadn't locked the follower up, he would have brought the follower along to the jungle. and should those native habitants found that the king was not suitable, they would have killed the follower. again, the quote "good or bad, hard to say" stands.

the moral of the story:
everything that happens in this world, there is no absolute of whether it's good or bad. sometimes wondrous things might turned out to be bad things eventually, while bad things inversely become a gain.

whatever good things that happen to you, enjoy it! don't cling too tight to it, but instead treat it as a surprise in your life. on the contrary, whatever bad things that happen to you, don't have to feel sad and despair. who knows, at the end of the day, it might ba a blessing in dusguise..?

if you can understand all these, you will certainly find life much easier...

i feel like pulling my hair and hitting the wall in fustration. why in the world did i ever leave a comment when i knew what was to be expected? arghz. i feel like screaming things that are better left unheard.

everyone is different.
period.
everyone thinks differently.
thats a fact.

i'm not you and i can't see what you seem to be saying. but i reacted because i felt something else. fine. so i shan't ever read anything from there ever again. there, problem solved.

what a day. i feel as if i should be isolating myself. then i won't be affecting anyone around me. feels horrible.

and i wish i could treat delong better. somehow i'm developing an attitude. goodness, only god knows whats wrong with me.

sigh.. it'll be a long week following ahead. i just pray that things get better.

maybe all the sleep's not exactly settling in. woke up coughing and coughing and coughing. i couldn't even sleep properly. and there was no one at home. didn't feel like eating instant noodles. which is wierd, cos i've never said no to instant mee goreng. guess i'm just not feeling myself really. maybe it's the post exam syndrome. or maybe i'm just looking for an excuse for myself for something i still can't figure out about.

so i went out. couldn't take the silence and i guess english comics can never replace my love for japanese ones. how i wish i had naruto with me now... sigh. like i said, i went out alone. fredrick was nice to offer meeting me, but i declined.. it was tempting to go watch a movie with him, then again i also felt like going for service at hope of god. which was also what i told my mom what i was going to do. but i was late for the service, so i didn't go in. and i just spent the time walking around orchard. tried alittle shopping, thinking that retail therapy would work, but i feel indifferent. i managed to find some clothes and quite a number of skirts that i fancy, but i only bought one white skirt and a tube top from zara. oh, and a pair of ear-rings and some presents. would probably buy alot more if i had the financial ability. yup, maybe the retail therapy did work alittle. but even though i spent quite alot today. i haven't found anything for dnd and i wonder how i'll spend the weeks that follow. chances of getting a full allowance for next week is bleak. sigh.. i don't really feel like working yet...

delong's gonna be busy. am i going to be too? feeling unsure and just tired now. though i don't really like studying, i miss spending time with my friends. i really like my current class. all the girls are different, but all so fun in their own ways. and so friendly and easy to get along with. thinking of going back to school for gym or to swim, but dates aren't confirmed, and right now, i can't just go out whenever i feel like or want to.

feeling so caged up.

well, at least my relatives from sabah are nice and friendly. had alittle chat with my uncle and found that he feels strongly about god, and i understand his views on some things.. though i don't quite agree with all of them. maybe it's the woe of all parents with that kind of traditional thinking. i don't find that you can control the upbringing of your kids. it's so hard to make parents understand this. or maybe they're unwilling to accept it themselves. people change as they grow. and i only wish i could convey to my mom, that if i wanted to go astray, i could do so, a long time ago. but i'm just respecting her wishes by staying at home. all i want, is a peaceful family. if rebuking or saying my views would only cause disrupt and no understanding, i don't see the need to open my mouth. and i guess all i can do, is swallow up my words.

i can't change their views on things, as much as i believe its hard for them to change my mind. unless you can convince me that i'm wrong, don't tell me that you are absolutely right without a reason. because i have one, and you don't, which only make me more disrespectful of you. haha, if only my parents understand..

i don't really know what i want now. feeling kinda lonely, but i'm sure it's a normal kind of thing. but feel like crying too. now that i don't understand. just getting alittle teary eyed and feeling lost. i don't feel like doing so many things, yet, i've got so much emotion inside that i don't really know how to let out.

i'm so confused.

i think i wasn't very nice to delong today either. yeah, maybe yesterday too. no ill intentions since i don't really know whats going on with myself either, but just bored out and unfeeling. maybe i'm not well, but i just can't bring myself to be zealous. sigh, i wonder what sunday will be like tomorrow.

not anticipating. just dazed.

yes!!!! i'm so happy and overjoyed... oh man, its just so relieving. and i didn't feel that way straight after my econs paper. its only now, after the super long gym session with leigh do i feel this way now. still at the library, waiting for leigh to borrow her books before i'll make my way home. i'm done so fast cos all i'm borrowing were comics. garfields and snoopy. heh, i was even spoilt for choice. even though it's a good thing i can borrow seven books, i think it's going to be quite a load in my bag.

and the first thing i'm going to make sure i get enough of, is sleep. not eight hours, not ten, but twelve. impossible? haha, watch me. my record is forteen hours of sleep... yes, i'm a pig. but now, i'm a healthy one that even does workouts. somehow or rather, i'm feeling high about it. i didn't realise i'd be so refresh after staying in the gym for two hours. i think the only problem now, is how to keep up my regime with the start of the holidays. leigh is busy with dnd and i'll be busy with camps too. and by the second week of may, it'll be time to announce our results. goodness, my fate lies in the hands of one bloody text message! hopefully i'll still be able to go abroad, to somewhere. somehow the destination doesn't really matter to me anymore. i just want to go off and take a break. knowing that it's pretty much impossible to do so with delong, going off with my family ain't that bad. hopefully i can remain in good terms with them till then too. that's be the best thing to happen for my coming holiday.

oh yes, and i'm going to be expecting some distant relatives that i haven't seen since i was just a baby. a couple from sabah will be staying with us till next wednesday. it feels quite sudden, but i'm praying for the best. trying to be optimistic that it'll be a fun experience and maybe i'll be able to fly by to sabah to visit them one day. it's kinda far-fetched to think that way, but hearing that jonathon (one of my nephews) does that, i don't really see why i can't too. or maybe i can try going with jonathon or something. sounds fun and adventurous. i shan't think about expenses for now.

oh yeah, went to the food and hotel asia exhibition at expo yesterday. goodness, the exhibition stretched from hall 1 all the way to hall 6. my legs were jelly by the time i got home. but it was a really fun experience. together with leigh, jasmine and yi xiu. we went around trying food and i think we ate till we got alittle scared of galato ice creams. haha, learnt some stuff about hotels, the systems they used and stuff. really enriching. not to mention, the entrance fee was worth 80 bucks. so we had better learn some stuff! oh, gonna go home now, ending here~

god please save me... i seriously can't get anything much into my head.. much as i would like to, i think what i really could do with is sleep. unfrazzled, non-fustrating, sleep. sigh, and i think the same goes for delong too.

poor us.. 5 more hours to the start of another paper. the problem that i can't remember a thing makes me too afraid to sleep! arghz.

haha... i'm left speechless....


oh well, 3 more to go.

listening to the radio for as long as i can remember. can't seem to get anything in my head and i've almost give up now... almost

sigh, so i guess i'll be going back to my work after i switch off the computer.

something nice thats playing on the radio now...

a thousand miles
if i could fall into the sky do you think time will pass me by
cos you know i'd walk a thousand miles so that i can just see you tonight...

so nervous.. i just can't get anything into my head!!

arghz.

feel like soaking in the tub... or just sleep and stone around...



*feeling blank*



ok, back to the papers now..

finally!! i finished compiling my MBS notes... gosh, you don't know how tough it was. but now i'll leave all the reading till tomorrow, or should i say later in the morning. i don't really feel like going to church. not that can't be bothered.. well, yes i'm lazy, but i mean no disrespect. i'm just feeling that i'm not benefiting much. not really able to grow spiritually. maybe it's partially because there are few teenagers who are my peers. seriously thinking of going to xue ting's church which is not really a church since it only consist of an audition room, but i feel that the pastor ain't too bad, and i reckon i'd be able to benefit more from their cell groups and maybe get delong to join in.

hmm... actually, maybe i should contribute in church first, before thinking of benefitting from anything.. sigh, but right now, i just want to study as much as i can and be done with my papers. then, fully enjoy the holiday that awaits me.

on second thought, boy am i going to be broke then. guess i have to start working soon... pray hard that i'll still be able to recieve some income from my dad even though school's over for awhile... and i'm looking forward to all the camps, and a hope of having a holiday~ will miss him if it really does happen, but still, nothing's confirmed yet, so i'm just praying! =)

i'd better get some sleep now...

i suddenly realise... that there's just a thin line between jealously and hatred... and a thinner line between hatred and love.

feelings can sometimes just engulf me. and the worse thing, would probably be my unability to express myself about it. sometimes some people say that i look so demure and soft spoken. the kind of ideal girl that every guy is looking for. they mention the qualities i myself sometimes dream of having that i thought i never had.

but it isn't so. sometimes... i'm envious of them.

i'd very much like to explode out and express myself the way they do. but i can't... and i tell myself that it's probably a matter of principals that i choose not to. but in my heart i know. that only part of this is true.

some people wonder... why put up a journal that is very much like a diary for everyone else to see?

but i don't see it that way. here is a place where i let myself out. and say what i want to say. here i may link so many friends. but then again, who are the ones who would actually take the time to read and care? with only words, i try to express my true self as i believe myself to be. it's not to show myself as some outstanding induvidual, but sometimes, when you're in the real world, everyone has their own perceptions and everyone looks at you differently. no one has enough time and energy to really know you. or maybe the ironic thing is, that sometimes i don't even know myself either. thats why i want to write out the things i can here. sometimes knowing that there's someone out there that you can talk to is good. but having the feeling that saying whatever you feel may affect the person you're talking to stops me from calling anyone. it's sad and thats why loneliness never leaves me for long. not many can understand... and fewer would be willing to share. having god gives me hope... but maybe just enough to survive.

they say, that the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. but in reality... does such a person really exist?

played alittle with the layout of my blog, added some stuff, and even made a link to my old blog. well, i like this new site better. ^-^

had quite an embarassing lab session this morning where i don't know if i'd say i was sabotaged or delong. haha, but it was still really funny. imagine having your computer screen on the projector. and suddenly a pop up message say "hey babe". Its really quite a shocker. Good thing Ms Tan was gracious... though i don't understand how she thought it was romantic?

well, after that, school was pretty much over for me, but i stayed on, to bring my niece around. she's coming in to study law and management in a few months time so it's not a surprise she feels that the school is big and foreign. haha, but i can assure her... she'll probably find it small and pretty compact in no time.

after giving her directions to go back to the interchange, i rushed back to the computer labs to finish up my reflection before i going swimming with alyssa and irene. i needed to tan at the pool with a peace of mind you see.. well, with that done and a full tummy, here i am sitting in front of the computer labs again... slacking. haha, it's been a very slacky day. don't know why i feel like doing nothing but sleep, soak in more water, or just daydream in front of the computer. it's as if i don't feel that the exams are coming. oh... how i wish i had the one week's study break before the exams in the last semester. I so want to protest against the school...

ok, enough of denial... need to give myself more reality check nowadays. i've always wondered what life would be like if simon cowell was my dad.
wow.

yep, simply can't imagine. haha~

better get back to work now...

You are Bugs Bunny

You are fun, friendly, and popular. You are a real
crowd pleaser. You have probably been out on
the town your share of times, yet you come home
with the values that your mother taught you.
Marriage and children are important to you, but
only after you have fun. Don't let the people
you please influence you to stray.


Which Cartoon Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a Pearl.

A mark of taste and refinement. And also a symbol
of purity.

You are feminine, sensitive, cherishing, loving and
sometimes too bashful. You are very securing
and supportive. You always are a lady. You
always say the right thing. Men give pearls as
a gift to express their love.


Which Gemstone Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

when the day started, i thought yesterday seem like any other day to me... but i fell sick. and it wasn't until i finished my little workout and soaking in the pool with leigh that i felt really uncomfortable. the desgusting thing was, that i puked. thankfully, in the toilet sink.

and angeliegh, if you're reading this, thank you so much for calling delong down. i'm just utterly grateful. =)

i felt that i should have stayed on for the meeting and to help charmaine out with her japanese presentation that was due today. but delong convinced me to go home and get some rest. though i could say that i was dragged into the taxi, i'm glad he stood firm about getting me out of school.

and so i saw a doctor, was ferried home, and had instant porridge cooked by him cos he didn't really know how to cook the real thing. haha, but at least i got something to eat before taking the medicine and going to bed. he let himself out of the house and bought dinner (actually upon my request cos my parents went out and didn't buy anything for me) after i woke up.

and i'm thankful i listened to him... cos my group members managed to prepare a script for today's role play meeting even though i wasn't present, and charmaine was also sick and didn't stay in school that day either. the role play is over, and thank god i managed to finish up my japanese presentation today even though i was 40minutes late for class. i love kaori sensei~! i don't mind if she mark me late or absent for my class, as long as she grades me well for my presentation.

well, yesterday night when he called, something happened and somehow i teared with him. its the first time he broke down over the phone and i so wanted to rush out to meet him. but i can't, and the medicine i took was taking effect.. so all i could do was lend a listening ear. i'm just glad that everything seems to be fine and ok when i saw him in the morning. and we had breakfast in school.. where one of the birds had a share from my plate! what a day today..

happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

yeah, finally blogging after a break of almost a week. and it seems as if so much has happened. the previous entry was quite a sad one that i typed but failed to post it up due to some technical difficulties. oh well, its up now, and a memory probably best left forgotten...

the past few days had been pretty good. especially good friday. my parents had somehow booked a room at carlton hotel for a day, and my whole family was there. that means, even my sis, brother-in-law and my two nieces. though my fun wasn't with them. delong came down too, and we went off the moment he helped my dad move the lugagge back to the room.

the first surprising thing that happened? i got a nice bag from him at raffles city~ and next, we went to cartel. since i already had dim sum with my parents in the morning, i could only watch as he ate. well, i had ice-cream and it was great, but simply sinful.. and somehow, my speed of eating dessert was even slower than him finishing his full meal. guys..

well, after that, we took a train to far east and i got two sets of something... all i can say now, is that it's embarassing... haha, i think i can add that as one of the most embarassing times of my life. spent almost the whole day there before going back to the hotel. and i had to go home because there was a summative test in the next morning. boy was i unprepared... but after the test, all i can feel, is relief. and i spent the rest of the afternoon at the gym with leigh n then the pool with alyssa. by early evening, i was rushing down with delong to xue ting's "church" for the good friday service we missed yesterday.

we were kinda late, so i only managed to catch the last part of the play that was going on. still, i thought it was really good. damn funny. and i'd say the pastor was a great speaker. first time i felt so wide awake. don't mean to be rude, but i can't help starting to shut off when i listen to the pastor in my own church preach. well, and the songs we sang got me quite emotional. somehow i couln't really control the tears from flowing.

but the thing that really touched my heart was when delong held my hand and raised it with me. when he went down the steps with me. we he prayed and donald prayed for him. i thought... i had to be dreaming. but i couldn't go into shock. someone was constantly talking to me. i can't remember what i said, but some details that i'm from tp and in yr 1. and that i'm a christian from another church. etc etc.. all i was thinking, was him.

then when we were out, he asked if he was a christian. andi thought to myself, that if he said the prayer, if he was willing to believe and let god into his life from now onwards, yeah, he would be! then he tells me that he was praying for me and he didn't really know what was going on. something fell in my heart. but knowing that he was praying for me acted as a buffer. but then... he still reckon that he's a christian, maybe only by name... and probably one with very little faith. i accepted that. it's just something i can only cling to now.

after the service, we met up with raymond and melissa and were supposedly off to the indoor stadium. it had something to do with city harvest... but we changed course half way to have dinner at soul garden, bugis. and i must add that it's horribly expensive. then, before we left bugis, we took neoprints and it was so fun and exciting! haha, maybe its just because i haven't took a group neoprint for a long time. we were all just scrambling around to pose when each shot was taken. after that, we got on a cab to parkway to play pool, but we weren't there for long cos it was growing late.

on sunday after returning from church, delong came over to my place to study. haha, can't say it was really successful... but at least i was spending time with him. =)

feel dreadful. just horribly sick. maybe not physically, but mentally. feel as if i’m gonna break down soon. well, actually i already did. couldn’t control my tears while on the phone with delong. feel so bad that i couldn’t say much to him since i was all chocked up. but i really felt so stressed. so hurt that my mom is treating me this way. and i don’t know why i can’t put it behind me.

maybe it’s the psychological damage setting in. i don’t want to believe that i’ve wrecked my own life and don’t have a future. i don’t want to believe that i’m useless and stupid. but why does my mom keep saying that i am so? her actions. her treatment. her predictions. she’s as good as killing me with her words. since young i have not heard her so much as utter a single encouragement. if i do well, its expected. if i don’t something must have distracted me. i wasn’t allowed to make my own friends, i wasn’t allowed to go out after school, i wasn’t allowed to talk on the phone or even go online. she’s so paranoid that i will go astray that my life was controlled since i was born. it wasn’t surprising that i wanted to change my life when i entered secondary school. i wanted friends. wanted so much to have fun and have dreams. and i also wanted her to recognize them, acknowledge them and give me her blessings. i tried so hard to please her. so hard. but its just so difficult.

i just can never reach her expectations. how can i convince her that she has overestimated me? how can i get rid of the pressure she is exerting psychologically? isn’t my life my own? aren’t parents supposed to support their children in the things they believe in and do? my dad seems to be trying. but my mom goes crazy. maybe it’s the menopause aggravating it. she complained throughout my 3 years in sailing. and now i’ll have to endure more because i entered the hospitality course.

she just don’t get it.

she is actually part of the reason of what led me into this course. from her i’ve realized how much it meant to me to see people around me happy. how a smile could brighten up the day of a stranger. how loved i felt from simple gestures. how a hug could say a thousand words.

i’ve always loved japan. not only for the food, the anime or manga, but the formality they practice. their culture. bowing to show their respect or gratitude. their way and manner of speech. though i’ve also heard many bad stories about it, since young i’ve been so impressed, and envious.

i suddenly realize that i want to work in the service industry. i want to help the people around me happy and satisfied. all I ask in return, is a simple thank you. that is my sense of achievement. that, is what my parents had forgotten to say over the past 17 years of my life.

i have never felt that it was a shame to bow to people. rather, i look up to them. there are so many people working in the service industry, but so few feel the essence about it. but to the few that i see when i walk into a hotel or restaurant, i feel their heart. i do not believe that it is anything shameful. sadly, my mom don’t see it this way. to her, to serve means you’ve got no brains to do anything else. if you’re not a doctor, lawyer, teacher, scientist or accountant, you’re a loser.

it’s so hard to communicate with her hard stubborn head. she’s in her mid fifties and it’s just impossible for her to think otherwise from the old traditional thinking. times have changed has it not? i really don’t know how to explain anything to her. now she’s ignoring me. for all i know she’ll suddenly say something to me and i’m expected to listen and act as if nothing has ever happened. which is why i’m going nuts. guess i can’t adapt her speed of changing roles every different time i see her. i don’t know what to react anymore. and i’m too afraid to speak to her lest i say something wrong and give her a chance to make a mountain out of a molehill.

sigh… guess the presentation also added in to the stress and pressure. feel so unprepared. suddenly wish i could turn back time… till i was playing simple mini-majong and singing karaoke with yiling and hester on my cousin’s birthday last saturday. felt so much like a child then. but i also felt guilty, cos delong was feeling quite depressed then. selfish me. maybe it was then that i neglected him.

but for now, i’m thankful that he tries to be by my side when i’m feeling down. chatting with lisa reminded me of how different yet similar both of us are. how much compromising it’ll take, and how long the journey lies ahead of us. well, i’m feeling better after loading all these off my chest now…

oh, and i just became the godma of marc and karin…? haha, sounds pretty cool. though i don’t know how’s their real reaction to it since i don’t exactly know them? hope that there will be the opportunity to get to know them soon…

what else can i say? pray that they like me. =)

everyone around me is working real hard... but i can't seem to focus or concentrate properly. haha, as always... though i maybe it's because of some things someone had said, i'd rather blame it that it's me thats the problem. yep, i've got a short concentration span. though daydreaming for long periods of time is a totally different matter altogether. i’m really trying my best now.

well, i got my share of april fools jokes earlier yesterday morning. guess i was stunned, but for a moment only. somehow i knew at the back of my head that it's not possible. but now i'm at a loss of what to do. to talk or ignore? well, i sort of left things unsaid so I guess i’ve ignored it, but what will happen in future? i dare not imagine. i just hope everything will turn out fine somehow… or eventually.

actually i also had lots of complex thoughts yesterday... but i didn't have a chance to write them all out... and now i've pretty much forgotten them. ^^" but i guess it's nothing serious? all i know, is that i want to be thankful for the things i have. i realise that i'm always making a big thing out of something trival. ok, maybe i'm also exzagerating alittle, but i can't deny that i really take alot of things to heart. i may say that i don't mind... but deep inside. i just do. and i can't really help it, or do anything to take that feeling away. can anyone understand?

somehow i feel as if i don't know which is the real me. i try to express myself more, and look outgoing, but deep inside, i still don't know. it's as if i feel that i have multiple personalities, but then again, everything added up is what actually makes up me. yes, it pretty confusing too... so sometimes i really wish i was as simple minded as i thought i was. well, at least its a good thing delong is. or so he says.

and i realize something. that trust is really important. it can be easily said, but not easily understood. neither is it easy to build. its important that feelings are always mutual, that both of you are dependent on each other, and you don't care about how people look at you. funny how i'm talking about this... after more than six months in a relationship. it doesn't mean that i haven't been serious in my relationship, but i guess it's also a process... doesn't it count anything in growing up?

haha, can't say that i'm mature, but i just think alot. worry alot too, but i'm learning to put things at the back of my head. though i guess the load of schoolwork that i'm putting off isn't something good ^^".

sigh... just miss having activities with the girls... the gym, tennis, badminton and sun tanning dates... i think i'm getting fairer staying in the computer labs for such long hours... over so many days. At least the good thing that came out of it, is that we're on the verge of finishing the whole project, and my dad is considering getting a new computer for me~ yeah, i guess staying in school till late night and reaching home over 10pm for 3 consecutive days is getting him worried. especially when i'm dressing up nicer than usual... he's getting paranoid that some guy would jump out of the bush and kidnap or rape me on the journey while i return home. haha, the day before yesterday, he even thought i was going to a disco club or something. hmm... must be the make-up! lol, paranoia runs in the family. so i guess i can say that my mom's been alittle quiet... i just hope she doesn't explode on one fine day.

arghz, still got a long day ahead... and i'll have to be in school by 7 in the morning tomorrow cos i'm in charge of the administrative team for the bonkers event, organised by sports club. then later in the night, there's my cousin's 21st birthday party. busy today, busy tomorrow... i don't think i'll have a chance to touch a com tomorrow. (which also explains my super long entry today) =D

hmm... a story i think i should learn to live by...

there was this guy who loved two gals at the same time but he didn't know which one he loved more. someone taught him.
ask yourself this question and answer it honestly :
"when you are happy, which gal would you want to share your happiness with?" the one you think of is someone you love. then ask yourself another question and answer it honestly :
"when you are sad, which gal you want to share your burden with?" the one you think of is also someone you love.
if you think of the same gal when you are happy & sad, that's the most perfect. but if you don't think of the same gal, I would advise you to
chose the one you are willing to share your sadness with.
in life, there are more sorrows than happiness. there are too many people that u meet that u can share your happiness with, not necessary your lover.

if you live your life happily, you can also enjoy it alone. in sadness, however, there are not many people willing to share your burden with you. if you are willing to tell someone your happiness, i am sure that person has got to be someone close & an understanding person to you.

but it shouldn't stop there. if that person only thinks of you when she is happy, but looks for someone else when she is sad, this lover is too unstable, she doesn't treat you as someone she can spend the rest of her life with. of course, i will be very happy if i am the first person to share her happiness. But, if she is sad, i will be too willing to stay by her side & ease her pain. Only then, will i believe that i hold a very important position in her heart.
if you are sad, who comes to your mind first?

friendship is a strange thing. we find ourselves telling each other the deepest details of our lives... things we don't even share with the families who raised us. but what is a friend? a confidant? a shoulder to cry on? an ear to listen? a heart to feel? a friend is all these ... and more. no matter where we met, no matter how long we've been together... I call you a friend.
a word so small, yet so large in feeling, a word filled with emotion, a word overflowing with love. truly great things come in small packages. once the package of friendship has been opened, it can never be closed. it is a constant book always waiting... waiting to be read... and enjoyed.

we may have our disagreements... we may have our disappointments ...we may argue ...we may have concern for one another...

friendship is a unique bond that lasts through all tribulations. a part of each of us goes into our friendships...
our humor ... our experiences... our tears.
friendships are foundations... necessary for life...
and love.

sometimes God wants us to meet many wrong people, so that when the right one comes along, we will appreciate that person more.

a little boy wanted to meet god. he knew it was a long trip to where god lived, so he packed his suitcase with twinkies and a six-pack of root beer and he started his journey. when he had gone about three blocks, he met an old man.

he was sitting in the park just staring at some pigeons. the boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. he was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old man looked hungry, so he offered him a twinkie.

he gratefully accepted it and smiled at him. his smile is so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer. again, he smiled at him. the boy was delighted! they sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

as it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old man, and gave him a hug. he gave him his biggest smile ever. when the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. she asked him, "what did you do today that made you so happy? "he replied, "i had lunch with god." but before his mother could respond, he added, "you know what? god's got the most beautiful smile i've ever seen".

meanwhile, the old man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. his son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?" he replied, "i ate twinkies in the park with god." however, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than i expected."

too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest answer, a compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. so we should embrace all equally!

never let the pain of loss run deeper than the rememberance of love.
for if it does, cherished memories will be lost and eternal purpose will be forgotten!

"if you can't be thankful for what you receive, be thankful for what you escape."

kyasarin
a simple girl with a complex mind. someone that worries too much about all things valid and invalid. foodie, japie, cutie & alcoholic. nuff said.
my birthday falls on 28th of june! :)


[new home]
[new silver watch]
[fuji instax mini 25]
[travel to taiwan/hk]
[travel to hawaii]
[travel to maldives]
[travel to japan]
[travel to europe]

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