i'm beginning to feel that my seat is cursed of some sort. the previous girl who sat here suffered injuries from a motor accident. me? i suffered injuries from a bugee crash. my gut tells me the next poor soul who sits here after i go might get into a car accident.

touchwood.

ok, now that about 5 days have passed since my accident, i'm feeling much much better. my bruised leg looks more normal now though one of my deeper cut still bleed as and when it feels like. denise recommends i air the wound to let the blood harden and dry. but its like.. yuck. can't wait for it to recover. then people won't look at me like i was some badly abused child. what with those oversized blue blacks covering my leg, its hard to imagine how my accident look like. even when i was at the office, my director looked and examined... then concluded with he don't know how in the world i fell to be in the state i was in. i guess my cuts n bruises just didn't look logical. but how do u calculate anyway? my arm fling here at this second, and my leg knock that at the consecutive second?

anyways, i'm just thankful i've got no broken bones, and the scratch on my cheek might not leave too bad a scar. thank god.

funny how i'm not scared to drive, but actually more eager to get my liscence. i want to be in control of my vehicle. not the victim that got flung out.
countdown to final theory test:
34 days.
percentage of final theory book studied:
8%?
percentage of e-learning studied:
0%

Great.

i wish the girl was me. i just.. don't know what to do. i hurt myself and i hurt the people around me. someone just live for me or tell me what to do. bah..

aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

hao fan.

so sad when i read the papers of Today that ashton kutcher is planning to have a family with demi moore. i mean.. ashton is 27, demi is 42!! and they're not planning to get married. what is that supposed to mean.. don't understand how a cute guy like him will fall for her. ok, maybe it sounds kinda bimbotic, but she's really old... not to mention the fact that she married twice before and if i'm not wrong, has three daughters already.

or is demi trying to do ashton a favour by giving him the thrill of what its like so he won't be bogged down by commitment and responsibility like any married man would face? i'll never know the answers...

but that doesn't mean i can't feel angry over it! arghz.

then again, maybe i should be learning from them..? let myself love without constraints. i hate to admit, but alex is really smart in his own kinda way. he's almost like a mix of samuel and christopher.. minus the good english speaking skills and add in alot of cigarette smoke scent.

i still kinda miss the scent of chris every now and then.. how can i forget when ken wears it and struts around in it?? had to control the urge to ask him to stop using that scent.. kinda hate myself for missing it now.

anyways, i met a really funny incident this morning as i was on the train. a really polite and gentle(he sounds so) guy excused himself to alight the train at aljunied(i think). then, as i was appraising his overall looks and impression, i saw him walk into the train opposite! haha, guess he overshot his own station.. but i got to credit his calm and cool behaviour as he made his way out and onto the other train. was just rather impressed for no particular reason.

my eye hurts.. still feeling kinda sleepy and dreamy in the office. there's the cca awards rehersal today.. i wonder if i can make it on time. being on leave on the real day means i'll also miss nicole's last day at work here. still not too happy over yesterday's incident.. bahx...

ah! i forgot to take my med!!

mm.. jen asked about my plans for the future yesterday and offered a post as sales support officer, which is like caroline and hwee ling~ so happy.. i think i was like trying to control myself to look normal on the outside, when inside i was just going nuts. estatic in fact. haaa~~

really wouldn't mind doing what i do now for the rest of my life.. but its really not easy to push away the norms of going for a degree first before starting work. you never know when you might need one. but after getting a degree... who know how much sentosa would've changed! things here are constantly changing.. its something i would seriously consider though.

miss the gym and pool. i think i really need to lose weight. been too troubled over this issue already.

hah! i remembered the word i forgot in my previous post. i think this is the effects of speaking too much chinese with alex. then again, i think i'm influencing him somewhat too.

well, was in great pain yesterday. doctor said it was stomach flu, think it might have been a virus from something i could have ate that was wrong. well, at least it wasn't gastric. i doubt gastric was as painful, but its generally bad. complications i can't be bothered to explain.

i was also offered a jab, no doubt rejected by me the moment the word "injection" came out of the doctor's mouth. i think the doc was rather shocked at my sudden enthusiam admist the pain. i knew there's always an alternative.. so thank heavens someone invented tablets!

on and off pain is really irritating. not to mention the less than appetising porridge i have to endure.. its settled, i'm not eating porridge for lunch laters.

someone finally guessed the song on my msn correctly! miss sitting at lay ling's table.. now i can't listen to that song..

can't take it, taking a break, so here i am.. well, i'm also browsing the 'new' ro forum. ahh.. guilt guilt.

theres too much that needs to be done. need a breather *breathe in* *breathe out* (repeats for 5 times)

oh yea, had this revelation as i was coming to work today. got shot at by alex yesterday, what with my 'habit' to check the com the moment i get home. then he explained how its the same reasoning as his 'habit' to smoke right after a meal. i was momentarily stunned then. said it wasn't the same but i couldn't really justify.

now i think i can. as much as i am unwilling to acknowledge that its a habit of mine, (yes i still believe that i can stop myself from checking my com the moment i get home if i just want to) anyways, habit or not, at least it doesn't harm my health, or affect anyone else for that matter. it is much cheaper too.

shall be smug and tell him when i get a chance to. die, i think jennifer caught me blogging? my spot is too.. too.. damn i forgot the word. man i'm stressed.

shall think of a way to beautify the table as well.. hmm... need ideas.

argh, can't stand to see the smoke and all the requests to go drinking ever so often. i can only describe it as an amazing stamina. no wonder he's so skinny.

all the more it shows how fat i am.

great. just great. and he even offered to buy extrim??? that was quite the ultimate. i think i need to use that as an energy force, a kind of motivation for me to start exercising again. ever since sip started, i've not stepped in the gym. its been too long. i miss swimming too. ok, so i guess i do miss school.

cca awards would be coming this friday! so happy to have won something. happy for sharu too for getting the student leader of the yr. really nice guy.

tired.. i wonder if i should quite my ro soon.. ahh... thats not important. i should face my current crisis.

i need to lose 5kg...

God help me!!
amen, amen, and loads more amen in advance!

i'm now listening to the radio as i work in the office, legs crossed, in a bright tee and shorts, totally relaxed and comfortable. its the ultimate satisfaction of working yet not feel like i'm working. though actually, i'm still rushing for a dateline cos i'm meeting up someone who needs me to complete some survey... think its from bossini?

anyways.. sigh, i'm feeling kinda down, don't know why.

need a few dose of happy thoughts, like the thought that i have my favourite ice cream in my fridge, i've got good colleagues around me, lovely sunflowers on the round table, amelia is still in singapore, god loves me, i still have some money in my bank account, and.. the music playing on the radio ain't too bad?

ahh.. can't stop the depression. need sugar intoxication. perhaps alcohol? i wonder if i can talk my mom into letting me go clubbing tonight. they're having their exams now, i hope they pass and get their diploma smoothly.

suddenly i had the impression that they're young.. but they're not. man, i need a degree. i need something to prove that i'm not so stupid. it suddenly dawned on me that its really rather impossible between me and chris. i'm too dumb. so it really wasn't meant to be. why in the world am i missing him? i'm so gutless, keeping those messages from him in my hp, keeping those letters i never sent out in my room. someone please go to my room and throw everything away, let me go bananas and get over it!

sudden depression have gone into mild anger. radio's playing a song that goes "if i was invincable" haha, i'm weak.. dumb and weak.. i can just die...

love crapping here.. miss crapping here.. where no one would judge me, the com ain't listening, but as i type, the words are still absorbed and shows itself on the screen, like i'm watching my thoughts being played on tv. i should learn to be more true to myself.

like saying how i'm not happy i'm being so ignored by the other interns from my school. the fake smile i just know of when i see one. though i know its really just my fault for getting really more engrossed in my work then being engrossed in "them". i'm just not some smartie that can score As and Bs throughout, get in the good books of all teachers and have loads of friends. why am i not such a person? i try to work hard but the results just stay the same, design is the only exception. maybe i've really entered the wrong course. now that i've worked so hard to gain the "trust" from both my manager and colleagues, i lost the friends i made in school.

never had much friends in the first place, never was good at clicking with everyone, never was the pretty girl guys would swoon over. life is quiet. silent. lonely.

you hear so much about footprints of the friends that come into people's life. so what about those that leave deep footprints and those that doesn't? they're all footprints, markings that show they came and left.

*break*

mm.. just got a mssage and i thought it was a message frim chris. my hp is like like abit bananas. sometimes the old messages would just resurface when someone else message me. feel so played... or is this a hint from god that i should delete them now?

*break*

oo, just got a call from alex. felling much better, looking forward to going home though dreading the 1 hour and 30 minutes ride. sigh. okok, back to work.

its been quite some time since i last posted and it has definately been an intense week. the sudden jerk out of singlehood is a mixture of dellusion, doubt and ignorance. too many have told me with their expression of shock, how the news wasn't expected at all. at least, not so soon.

and i do agree.

frankly i can't even remember his full name. or any similiar traits or hobbies we would have in common. how we would fit together is even more absurd, knowing my own distaste for smokers, and i hate the way people spend money without thinking, especially when its not on me..(haha) but nevertheless, i do enjoy his company,and he can be quite fun to be with.

its really quite a trade-off, i'm knocking off at normal hours with also means i have to finish more work in lesser time or i'd pretty much cease to breath. will be drowned by all the work i never say no to.

don't get me wrong, i still love the work i do so much, haha, kinda wish i was a full time staff and i never have to go back to school again. i'm probably the only intern in sentosa with this thinking...

i will stay where i feel wanted.

i remembered i've got alot to say and add today, what with all the mental notes i've thought to myself that i'll pin it down... but somehow i can't seem to remember any of them. but it's been a funny day. yeah, that's probably the only conclusion i can sum up with about today.

need sleep. long week ahead..

kyasarin
a simple girl with a complex mind. someone that worries too much about all things valid and invalid. foodie, japie, cutie & alcoholic. nuff said.
my birthday falls on 28th of june! :)


[new home]
[new silver watch]
[fuji instax mini 25]
[travel to taiwan/hk]
[travel to hawaii]
[travel to maldives]
[travel to japan]
[travel to europe]

+adeline+
+amanda+
+amelia+
+amos+
+amos in america+
+andy+
+angeliegh+
+david+
+delise+
+fagan+
+hui min+
+hester+
+jane+
+jolyn+
+jovi+
+karin+
+mareen+
+shuang jie+
+steve+
+verna+
+yi ling+

+kenny sia+
+kinky blue fairy+
+stick gal+
+my art gallery+
+facade+
+tickle wickle+
+anshao+
+strawberrynet+
+blogskins+
+anime art+

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