whatever your cross
whatever your pain
there will always be sunshine
after the rain
perhaps you may stumble
perhaps even fall
but God's always there
to help you through it all
thats it.
i need to stop all the negativity and self blame.
perhaps a change would be good. i mean, it will be.
gonna start fantasizing on my dream house, car and career now. and i already know the kind of paintings i want to be hung in my house. though i'm still deciding between bright colors or warm ones. they're the deciding factor that'll affect y choice of furniture. hmm...
its a good thought to have nonetheless.
with a dog, good books, plus a good work and exercise schedule. i think thats the best life i could ever give myself. would be totally blessed to have a car of my own, a swimming pool and a loving husband. i think thats pretty much my ultimate goal. kids not included. haha, now thats too far into the future.
i don't want to have kids so soon. used to be unable to understand why those couples postpone having kids and don't even want any in the first place. guess i was too influenced by the government. (i love the government then and i still like em now) so of course i support all their propoganda. but come to think of it, i'm much better alone.
i wonder who i'll marry...
well, i'll leave that to god. now though, i'm just feeling rather excited to go for my next driving lesson. driving at night would be a first tonight. yippee~
lay ling said my new hair looks ah lian. after giving a face, she corrected that "it's nice wad, and that there's nice ah lians, and not nice ones~". lol.
glad that most people are giving rather positive comments ^.^ its the first time i'm having strands of hair that are like, really bright. i even wondered if they would kick me out of the company because of it. haha, an over-reaction i know.
hmm, thinking of a name for my new pup. need suggestions~ XD
feel kinda puffed. my eye still alittle sore, my head still on standby-to-shut-down mode, my mind? lost somewhere.
i feel the past huanting me again. why do memories never fail to drift to samuel.. or to delong.. and to chris..? i can never believe how things didn't last. how my thoughts felt they wouldn't last. and then when it really didn't, i thought i was strong enough to accept it. i told myself everything will be fine cos i'll just continue living the way i know, or i thought i knew? but things always come tumbling back down. it happened when i was with chris. its happening again now. what in the world am i feeling???
i can't get out of the past.
kelly is the closest to understand how i feel.. chris was the only one who could pin point the problem and seemed to have the potential to help. but things were lost before anything was done. and here i am, still as crazed as i can be. saying things that always seem to hurt all others around me and then witness how it all hits back at me. its a vicious cycle. i'm pained. but there's nothing i can do. nothing...
my head hurts.
i'm a naive and simple minded girl who's not exactly that naive or as simple minded as i think i am.
yet there's the simplicity of liking i just want to immerse in and enjoy.
it doesn't matter if it won't last.
it doesn't matter if people think i'm wrong.. not that i don't mind.
but let me just keep another fleeting moment in my tummy. so when its gone or has to go, i won't live to regret it.
let the collision begin.
~Solitary Angel~
You like to be alone. Away from people you have
time to your self, and time to think things
over. You hate crowds, the heat, the
confinitey, you want open space, a way to let
go to be free. Freedom is truly what you seek.
Freedom is something gained, never to be let go
of. But alas something to share.
Weapon:Katana
" Freedom, a gift of the greatest
value...wat i crave... wat i need"
What is the angel form of your spirit?
brought to you by Quizilla
can't be any better. i'm glad i didn't get a broken angel.
i feel like a freak.
one with serious mental disorder. not the crazy kind of mental, but the disturbing sense that can drive me crazy anyway.
sigh.
and like the conversation i had with kelly a few days back, the point of loneliness at a point of time like this can't get any lower...
i really really hope the shitzu from adrian is the right dog i'm looking for.. feel like playing with jewel at amanda's. i wonder if she'll mind..