Wednesday, April 22, 2009 @9:14 PM
quick update
i got really sick on monday with a really bad headache and some fever due to some infection. i know i know, its a vague description... haha.
mom is alrite. doc says the lumps are just oil...
freaking suay that i might not be able to claim any $$ back at all for seeing the doctor.
sigh...
oh, and i'm like 85% sure i'll be getting braces. cos like, i've taken the x-ray, done the mould, fixed my 3 appointments with the dentist to have the extraction, and banding etc... and i feel like, ohmigosh, i still can't believe its real, that its actually happening...
but i do have reasons for the remaining 15% chance that its all just an illusion. that % refers to the slim chance that my mom might just suddenly refuse to let me get it done, for no aparent reason. its ever so possible from my ever so unpredictable mother la. so until i've seen her make payment, who knows, i might not be getting braces afterall (tho i still have a really badly decayed molar thats starting to hurt).
had another family drama today. sometimes i really do feel amazed at how me and my sister keep our sainity...
i'll say no more. suddenly i just wish time would fly alil faster now.. wanna grow alil faster, earn alil more, and then finally, move out or something.. yeah i know then again its all really just too far fetched to imagine for now..
short term goal: look forward to the weekends..
Saturday, April 18, 2009 @9:56 AM
life is full of drama...
sigh, i still feel rather troubled as i post this.
lots of mixed emotions and feelings because of how complicated things suddenly are.
from young i've always rather felt neglected. with parents always working and too old a sis to play or communicate with. i didn't really love my family all that much. in summary, you can't choose your family so i grew to learn how to appreciate them. and after so many years, mom and dad has grown older... now instead of me seeking attention, it seems that the role has reversed and they are the ones seeking more attention.
sigh, but how should i put this? things are just more complicated because my mom is known to me as being spoilt, unreasonable, kiasu, egoistic, money-loving and a tantrum-throwing drama queen.
i'm not sure how my dad and sis view her, but to me, those traits of hers have always been there, since i ever knew her. and you can expect, with her being that way, no one in the family really hangs around her much. doing that just brings trouble upon yourself you know?
yesterday was jayna's birthday and i was really shocked to be the only VIP at my sister's place because of a mountain load of misunderstandings and miscommunication. right now, i'm actually even suspicious that it could just be because my mom was jealous/envious that my sis is going to korea with the whole family.
right when she was telling me how she spent all her money bringing me and my sis up, i felt rather angry and irritated. like, please lor, how much have she really splurged on us before? just on my case, the moment i started work, she immediately demanded 1k of monthly payment. even when i was doing my internship or working before i went to aus, i gave her $400 a month when i took home less than $1200. mind you, i never ate at home, so i had to pay for all my meals, transport and what nots.. ever since the end of secondary education, i have never taken money from her. and she hardly cooked at home.
knowing her pattern, i'm quite sure she has sucked $$ out of my sis for many years as well. its just that after so many years, my poor sis has gotten a higher pay and have managed to save some money (like finally) for her whole family to go on holiday. so someone please enlighten me.. when she suck so much money out of us, HOW she expect us to splurge on her? BRING her for holiday? come on, we barely have ENOUGH to support our daily lives. perhaps if she had been more understanding and appreciative, we would too. i only have 1 word left, and its just karma.
seriously, its not that i don't want to buy things to pamper my parents. i just don't have the money to do so, after giving her more than 50% of my pay. then isn't it weird? i mean, she took all of our money and claim she's poor. hello? what are u paying for? utilities and bills have been paid by dad. we give you so much allowance. u don't cook and thus buy close to nothing for groceries. like, if u were to cook, its always instant noodles. SO WHERE HAVE ALL THE FUCKING MONEY WENT?
yes i'm pissed. pissed by the bloody fact that in just one month, either me or my sis have given her enough to keep going on holiday already. why is it our fault that we never plan for a holiday that included her? perhaps she should do some reflection and she'll find out how including her makes it NOT a holiday anymore.
but of course, i didn't explode right in her face. for 1 it just won't make any sense to her. 2 she won't understand and 3, its pointless. (see how these 3 points are actually the same? hahaha) and then she went all emotional and sickly on me. saying how she have this lump on her arm and she haven't seen the doc because she's afraid of surgery.
i felt sympathetic and there was a pang of heartache to see my mother suffer at such. and then i thought maybe she's going to die soon. and then the next thing i thought was i hope she dies soon. the painless and quick kind for her sake and ours. i can't imagine how the rest of my family will change and become once she's gone, but i can only imagine that it'll get better. i don't mind giving my dad the money (something i've always been wanting to do but haven't got the money to spare) and know that he'll be more appreciative of it. i won't even mind bringing my dad on a holiday someday...
sigh. i ought to feel guilty wishing for something like that to happen. but u'll only be able to understand what i've been through to slap me in the face and scold me for having such thoughts. this is only 1 drama. how many others have there been left untold and forgotten that no one ever knows... its all just painful and stupid to recollect and its amazing how thats whats bonding me and my sister now. praying for direction, for strength and comfort. i don't know what else i can do really. :(
Monday, April 13, 2009 @10:51 PM
the face shop
am rather pissed over a salesgirl at the face shop today... feeling rather excited that my pay just came in and somehow needing some retail therapy, i bought a new simple top and i went to the face shop to get some makeup remover. (it has been troubling me for the past couple of weeks how difficult and painful it is to remove mascara x_x)
and then u know how my aunty side can always kick in... there was a promo where u buy $60 worth of products and you'll get a bunch of freebies? so i picked a few items... my makeup remover, a new pencil eye liner, a new blusher and a sleeping mask (its amazing how just so few items can cost over 70 bucks eh?) and then there was a miserable 5% VIP discount (yes i'm already a VIP ahha) u know why i say its miserable? cos i still ended up paying over 70 bucks... yes baby, don't kill me... haha..
so anyways, back to the story.. the girl that served me was nice and good u know (if not how would i get psychoed to buy so much) it was the girl at the cashier that totally put me off. first she spoke so loud, hello hello, the shop very small and i can hear properly lor... talk so loud for what? then as she was telling me that theres a free moisturizer and toner, she sort of threw it to the other poor girl that was serving me and sort of yelled at her to give me instructions as to how to use it. wa piang, how difficult can using toner and moisturizer be?
THEN the craziest thing happened. like, before the other stunned salesgirl could talk to me, she took the free travel size moisturizer and toner back up and spoke as she wrote in MARKER "nah, write clear then you won't mix them up"
i was like, just admiring how nice and cute the packaging was when she had to put her UGLY letters on them!!! AHHHHHHH!!!! you BITCH!! the freaking packaging is in ENGLISH la!! its not like in korean or thai or some alien language. do i look that dumb to you?!!? KAOZ!! if you had a freaking better education then me you wouldn't be there!
yes my mind was crazy. it went totally nuts as i walked composed out of the shop and back home. i don't remember how long i remained in agony. no one knows except my blog... and those who read it. thankfully, god invented nail polish. so now, the marker stains are removed and i have my pretty little toiletries back in original condition! :D
what a quiet dramatic night eh?
Sunday, April 12, 2009 @8:26 PM
horrifying experience
i realise there are many things that freak me out.
there's cockroaches,
there's injections,
there's dentists...
well these top 3 remain there throughout the years. and there are others.. mmm...
and just now during dinner, a cockroach FLEW and landed just next to my family's huge pot of instant noodles. my gawd, istant noodles also can attract cockroach!?!? 0_0!!
anyways thats not really all i have to say...
its weird how more add on as the years go by. and its funny how they all have this thing in common.
change...
i don't know why its frightening me now. i remember how i used to embrace it. feel unafraid and find it challenging. think of how it just builds me and make me a better person.
i'm just voicing out the things and events i have no control over. like how my mucus uncontrollably run down from my nose as i eat ice cream... only more serious and less disgusting.
sigh, its just not right to fall sick now. i need to fall sick the following sunday to get an mc... or unless my illness just prolong itself for another week? ugh... too bad this doesn't help me lose any weight...
maybe this is just a phase i'm going through. all this thinking is like some mid 20s crisis or something. i should get back to my ps2, psp or comics. OR seriously consider adopting the poor kittens at my sister's place.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009 @6:31 PM
random
just some really random things thats happened...
i almost cut my finger while opening a packet of hello panda.
i'm home before its dark! heck, before its even 7pm!
i saw a car with this huge ass hello kitty sticker pasted right in the front.
i just found out today that the person beside me have a Masters degree... from vietnam. FK, SHE'S PAID HIGHER THAN ME FOR DOING SHIT?
i'm appalled that i'm getting so vulgar in my own blog. i'm not usually like this.
i'm constantly feeling tired and a pimple looks like its gonna pop. i guess my aunt might be visiting soon...
ah... the packet of hello panda is finished.
i'm still hungry.
i'm still tired.
ahhhhh i hope the long weekend would just come already! :(
Friday, April 03, 2009 @9:57 PM
its rather depressing to note that just yesterday i experienced the joy of having 4 digits in my bank account (instead of 3 digits with 2 decimal points...)
and just in less than a 1 minute transaction, i am reduced to surviving on less than 700 bucks for the coming month. of which i need to set aside a coupe more hundreds for more debts to pay.
its misery to the max to slog ur time away, only to be repaid as such. :(
why isn't mom more understanding? why can't she spare me for the 1st few months? i don't even have enough clothes n shoes for work. maybe its just an excuse, but i really really feel in dire need of some retail therapy to ease my loss.
and so i went shopping at lot 1 after work. i vaguely remember there was a sale at BHG. i don't understand.. Metro had sound slight better than BHG u know? or at least, i felt that way... it never fails to remind me of BTH. bleah..
so anyways, in i went and woah! theres like this huge dicount on bras! ok, being alone and depressed, the aunty in me shone like diamond under sunlight..... hahaha, i'm exaggerating. but still, i did but 2 new bras! hehe, original price $59, and i bought it for $14! gd value leh.... hee..
ok i think i just shattered my own image... sigh, the life of poor me... hopefully i'll get a gd haircut tmr after work. PRAY that i can get my braces done asap after my 1st consultation on the 20th without much hassle and pain. yeah, gotta pray extra on that.
thank god! jason might be getting a job soon... and then i'll wait for reality to set in.
oh yeah, and i should share this funny joke that came from me and jason...
me:
someone said i look like the girl next door leh! *tries to feel smug at the fact that am actually still rather attractive to the opposite sex*bii:
girl next door? who said that? your neighbour?me:
*falls off the chair*and then we both burst out laughing hysterically... yea its really original eh?