Tuesday, October 31, 2006 @10:31 AM
stomach flu
i think i'm still suffering from mild stomach flu..
~_~ really wish i was just nuaing in bed.. lately i've come to realise (seems like i've been realising alot of stuffs) how warm and comfy it is.. and i've come into perfect terms with my air conditioner. 25 degrees is like the purrfect temperature for a good night's slumber that will guarentee no midnight disrupts due to frozen nose or toes.
damn.. was i suppose to wait till after 12pm or after 2pm for my results? my err, gut feeling tells me i might have a chance at borderline pass. and i'd like to cross my fingers and toes but i'm wearing my converse sneakers which is a snug fit, so my toes can't cross. for this wierd and dumb reason. i kinda feel insecure.
i'll leave it in god's hand. if i'm meant to fail, so be it! i've been thinking somewhat as i was travelling to and fro lately and i'm like, fuck it, i want to master japanese!!
so yeah, i've found my determination. i'll spend whatever it takes! i wanna go japan!! *envious* amos is going japan! i seriously don't know why i'm so attracted to the place. there's good stuff and bad stuff i feel about the place in my head. but deep down inside... i still wanna go!!! *despair* see what being broke does to you? it gives you a sense of hopelessness and depression. *sigh*
well, i'm meeting alex for lunch later. yay! just hope he watch what he says though. just yesterday i got kinda turned off by his remarks on my recent purchases.
cos, after my re-test, i went to boarders with a determination to master my jap, a shopping voucher, & another determination to find and buy a japanese dictionary. of which i found after an hour of circling bookstore, plus! the latest harry potter book cos it was a damn good bargain. my only regret is they didn't have the hard cover adult version design... but anyways, such a thick book, usual price $45++.. now only $9.95! definately worth my dollars and cents.
so neways, after i explained i was shopping at the borders (which explains my late return home) and told him i bought my dictionary. he went like "huh? shouldn't you have bought that a long time ago?"
i never buy cos no time to buy can?
no money to buy can?
don't feel like buying at that time can?
was busy with work and other commitments like you can?
thought i wouldn't need it can?
didn't come across any good dictionary in the first place can?
so NOW i've got one... CAN?
see lah, i immidiately jump into defense cum pissed off mode. then don't feel like talking already. since he's so smart, can read the future and tell me what i should buy next before it becomes a dire need for myself CAN?
don't know if this is just a pmsy mood or what but that tone of his seriously better change.. i don't know how long i can stand it.. -_-
haiz, long day today...
Monday, October 30, 2006 @3:08 PM
here we go again
phobia of failing.
*sigh*
thus leads to me feeling like a failure.
double *sigh*
its tough having to work so hard. sometimes i really feel crazy. why am i doing all this?? its like, one side of me feels that "hey, u never know when u'll just die man.. so why not enjoy yourself to the fullest & just have fun?" then the other part of me will go like "cannot slack anymore! must work hard while you're still young! if not, how to earn enough to own a car? buy house? get married? start family? must plan & save for the future!!"
anyone ever had this kind of problem? i can already see van shaking his head if i were to tell him those words. "ling ah ling, u mature too fast" -_-"
its wierd, but i really miss van on ka jiaoing me at work last time. i don't know how long more i can continue working here... life is so different not being in the sales team and even though some internal changes have been made, the friends i thought i made are drifting further and further away from me. its very saddening everytime i think about it. especially the way how jennifer is probably just still her busy self but somehow i just feel like she so cold to me.
i might be oversensitive.. then the next question is ... what if i'm not wrong? it really feels like a needle prick in the heart.
ok, i better get started with my report..
Friday, October 27, 2006 @2:19 PM
boo or poo?
lately i've begun to realise..
that i seem to be getting my inspiration to blog when i'm in the office toilet. -_-"
but thats not all, the worse thing is, i forgot what it is i wanted to blog about after stepping out of the toilet!!
can't expect me to chiong to my office table and blog once i'm out right? thats gonna look just so wrong. i think my boss is also starting to spy on me.. i'm slacking way too much. i think.
die la, later jap test.. still haven't even finish my revision. especially my kanji. i need a miracle! sigh. and there's work tomorrow. from early in the morning somemore! really got no mood to go clubbing and celebrating kelvin's birthday tomorrow. but don't go, later he'll wack me and be cruel in my events. T_T i'm so tired...
oh ya, and its confirmed. bye bye mitsubishi colt & ma ford laser, hellooo mitsubishi lancer.
i miss auditionsea...
Thursday, October 26, 2006 @4:03 PM
at face value
ever talked about a bad impression/experience of someone before? thats called gossip. and in life, gossip is everywhere. it doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl. gossip is too easy a skill, it's almost inbuilt in everyone.
most people i'm sure would understand what i mean. when you started primary school, it was just a simple feeling of whether you like the person or not. if you do and they like you, everyone would mix, chat, play and hang out during recess.
when you get to secondary school, it becomes more prominent. everyone start having first impressions of everyone. you're pretty, she's nerdy, he's geeky, he's quite cute, she's funny and the list goes on. you find people you're comfortable with, people like ourselves and clicked. for me, there was the outcast group. the popular group. the chinese gang. the ang mo pai. me? i think i was in the quiet group. not yet outcasted, but perhaps close. and even so, there was quite alot of gossips going around. if you think that is bad, wait till you get into poly, for me that is.
maybe JC life is different, but in poly, gossips can get more prominent. more damaging. it can go out from someone's mouth, get passed around here and there... and someday you might actually hear it. which makes you even sader to know this has been going around. but this, is nothing compared to office gossips.
ever heard of office politics? now that's a killer. my sister-in-law quit her job as a hotelier to be a swimming instructor because of office politics. i know of people whose life are like living hell. why hell? cos you got no choice but to continue working. then you got to be real careful about spilling your complaints to people. because for all you know, the news would spread faster than the speed you flush your toilet bowl and next thing you know, life somehow seems to get worse then before. whats worse than that? is that there's no turning back... unless you resign.
sounds serious? who knows it can be worse.. maybe its not so bad for some.. its all the people that makes the difference. thats why i'm still in sentosa after so long.. but i feel the urge for some change. i look at azlin and i think, "ok, she really
needs the change. i hope she doesn't leave before i do =/
o wells, 'nuff about work.. mom n dad went car shopping again.
i thought it was quite a decided thing between the honda jazz or honda civics.
now is more like a very decided thing that it'll be a mitsubishi lancer.
what can i say? agree lor..
pa pa like it? great..
ya, its cheap...
its japan made.. fantastic.
the only boo-boo is we have to stick to it for 10 yrs.
can't resell, can only scrape.
their money, their decision. i won't bother voicing out my opinion cos i don't have much to give anyway. don't need to bother thinking of one cos it won't be heard anyway. best thing to do? work hard and get my own car. =/
Wednesday, October 25, 2006 @9:58 AM
anger
the anger within... machiam sharu.
so long never see the sports club people.. kinda miss them.. miss uncle sam..
as i was saying... so angry!!!
its bad enough i spent my whole day yesterday, intro pretty much my whole family to my new job. see their 'ai li bu cai' reaction. accompany them for 2 to 3 hours looking and thinking of what car to buy. then go home after dinner..
which meant i didn't see alex. or watch the movies as planned.. everytime like that.. can never watch the two movies one!! its been how many months already huh..
and thats not all. i came to work on time today. amazingly, my mom calls.
mom: what time did u reach work today?
me: 9am?
mom: i woke up and saw that you went out already! you left at 8am ah?
me: yah.. i left before 8am..
mom: so li hai ah. anyway i know you failed your driving and had to pay yourself but i haven't recieve the money from you last month. you remember right? so i still want to collect ok, don't go and buy the product (from my new company). but we see what jie jie say ok? (about buying it for ourselves) actually its a good experience to chuang yi chuang. but actually you don't earn money, in the end all you earn is the product and alot of stock. last time i also sell bed and woks. jie jie also. but its ok la, join the company and learn some skills lor. be a smart girl ok?
me: uhuh..
mom: k lor, mei you shi le. bye bye
me: bye..
fuck. call me early in the morning to say all this crap. i very dumb meh?
WHY am i doing a 2nd job? to earn more money what!!?? If i didn't think i'd be able to earn why would i join? yes, its a networking company. so many people have so many concepts of it. you may have more experience. but didn't you also join a fucking big & complex MLM company? Excuse me, mine is not MLM ok? i may not be exposed to alot of networking company concepts, maybe i'm very inexperienced. but i still believe i can try to make it work. it's bad enough you don't support me in almost anything i do ANYWAY. but worse still, it sucks even more to the core when you think i'm some blur 3 year old kid.
hello? i'm 20!! you don't remember my birthday, nevermind. don't remember my age, nevermind. you keep mistakenly calling me 'shereen', i ALSO nevermind. don't come and fucking lecture me when you never have faith in whatever i do, think i'm useless when YOU yourself isn't working. YOU don't do much housework. YOU don't work anymore. YOU don't cook much anymore. YOU keep losing your handphone. YOU keep losing your glasses. YOU keep taking MY things and misplacing them. YOU keep losing the keys. YOU also keep losing your wallet. have i ever asked you for help in doing anything??
did you pay your own mother one third of your pay every month when you started working? how you expect me to pay for so many things and still..
alex also. say already yourself that you're not interested. you don't join me nevermind too. then ask so many questions. then thinks he know it all using that tone of his. how can i not feel pissed off? i'm not assuming ok? its a direct hit when you feel the tone is sacarstic. maybe he didn't intend it to sound like that. so is it my fault again for just having this instinct & reaction?
WHY IN THE WORLD DID I LET THEM KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. so regret. make me feel more demoralised only. BECAUSE I CARE, thats why i also want them to get the product. BECAUSE I HAVE FAITH IN THE PRODUCT, thats why i decided to join and sell.
fuck, u think i no brains meh. if product not good how will i dare to sell people?? especially if the people i think i'll be approaching are relatives and friends?
why do i like to be alone. fuck. ask yourselves la!!!
Monday, October 23, 2006 @6:18 PM
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee ~
i'm so happy can?
friday event is cancelled! (thanks to the haze)
which means i don't have to come up with a workschedule.
no report to write.
no guilt of leaving the event because of my jap exam.
my jap exam. 0.0!!
shit! can't bring myself to revise man T.T
its getting so tough you know? but nomatter what, must endure!
also hoping to get shi li into bunka. more kahki, more people to study with! i'm so sure ronnie won't have any problems passing.. problem is, does he even have time to go for the exam!? ugh..
its public holiday tomorrow.
salamat hari raya puasa to all the malay peeps out there!! even though i don't know who reads my blog nowadays neways..
have already planned to watch x men 3 & pirates of the carribean - dead man's chest tomorrow with alex! i just hope he don't fall asleep during the show can already. -_-" 1st time he didn't at the cinema yesterday. we watched 'the prestige'.. overall the plot is really not too bad, though the beginning was alittle confusing for me. cos it kept going forwards & backwads, flashbacks into the present and past.
now i just wanna catch the silk, & death note.. but.. also don't wanna waste money.. sigh.
i love japanese.. but why can't i seem to remember?? o wells.
@4:26 PM
new skin
yay, changed new skin again! (during office hours somemore =p)
and i like it! cos it's just so cute.. haha, my wierd taste? lately i somehow seem to keep telling people that i wanna die young. so i guess there's some significant meaning of this skin to me too. i think.
neways, time is flying again! payday coming in
4 more days!! =D
which also means november is coming. so the end of the year is coming. & 2007 is just around the corner!
the only bad news? well.. if only the haze would go away too... i didn't think i would, but apparently i'm really affected by the bad weather. the cough & sore throats.. which makes it even harder for me to go exercising cos i don't want to breathe in any more of the bad air then i already am! getting so flabby now leh..
vivo city is open too! gonna go there later with christina~ its so big can.. i'm just worried my legs will give way from all the walking... yeah, i'm that lazy!
still also wondering about this 2nd job of mine. its a shock christina is in the company. its an even bigger shock to see stewart. i mean.. stewart?? 0.o
whatever it takes to earn more dough man. i guess thats the only reason i can find. need to start saving.. maybe after i buy a new phone and the creative vision m i've been eyeing.. =x alex will so nag me to death if he knows the cost of just the 2 gadgets.. sigh, i'm guilt stricken.
but then again.. this is all in the name of investment!! =D
wonder if i'll go home to find a new car tonight. there goes both cars.. my car!! all because i took too long to get my license. dammit...
Friday, October 13, 2006 @3:48 PM
suayness
been ugh, struck with bad luck or something. things just ain't going right for me lately. like... what in the world is going on??
i'm really quite lost. and really in need of a good hug. a good rest. time to play. time to spend with god. :(
n i think i need a good massage n go jogging too. i think i look fatter. it might seem wierd but i judge my outlook by looking at my calves. if they look bloated, i know i myself must be kinda looking bloated. cos i'll never forget how lean my calves can be when i'm more fit. not very fit, just alittle more. :p
i'm seriously getting broke.
failed by driving test again. had to fork out another $280 for a retest n 2 extra lessons. i was really in the brink of tears when the drama of the fucking tester said "actually you already failed in circuit". then why the hell make me go out on open road, make such a small circle n return to the driving center? after examining my result paper, i saw him mark a tick at a row that faulted me for not listening to proper instruction. WTF? the bloody bastard ask me to turn back to the driving center and i get 6 demerit points for listening when
I was the one who knew the test route, but you never question the tester what, Tester say turn left, u turn. Say stop, u stop.
everytime i think back i get super pissed and have flashes of grabbing a knife and stabbing him violently.
argh. i was once gentle and watchful of the things i say. but i seem to have come to a point where my patience have been boiled to a minimum. bahz..
anyways, on a lighter n much happier note, I bought a new pair of converse sneakers! It's a cool colour of black & red, not too high & foldable!! a design i've been eyeing for years but converse had been selling them at over $100 in the past, its such luck to find it at $65.90 yesterday with Jemo at Vivo city! not to mention we got 15% discount for joining the membership so my shoes only cost $56!! damn good deal..
but the incident with Jemo's shoe is really just in sync with my title for this entry. we're both really pretty suay peepz. or is it just because its friday the 13th? ah wells..