Tuesday, April 29, 2008 @11:38 AM
school life
no mood to study...
skipped lecture today and i haven't accomplished anything either. *sigh*
i really have to get the draft out by today man...
no audi from now till thurs.
but i got work on wed evening and thurs night. SIAN!
i sorta dread working alil cos i just know i'll feel discriminated. maybe i'm not, but i will just feel it... how will you not if u're the only asian standing in the courts? now i really feel quite certain i'm not staying to work here in future after i graduate.
i will learn to live with the stress back home in sg. and pray that i may be able to move out of the house soon after paying my debts. i think i can put aside my dreams of marrying young. ._.
okk, time to finish up those blardy articles!!!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008 @1:42 PM
the red chair
here i am, in school, with many hours to spare. i couldn't stand staying for 'lecture' so along with sophie and anna we headed to the tennis courts to eat at 30/40! its like becoming our regular lunching area after tues lecture la.. haha.. i always welcome wasting time on chit chats.. but after parting with sophie i headed to the school library to try and study.
utilizing the library facilities to do some research for my assignment.. so hardworking hor? it all started out rather good really.. was working for a good 1 hour checking out sites after sites finding journal articles from various databases. then i grew bored. and reading the articles made my head heavy.
so.. i decided to go blog surfing.. from one site to another.. i realise i've been missing out in the lives of my friends. blogs are so good.. strangely is feels good to be reading and being 'updated' on their life and suddenly i don't feel like i'm in australia. i feel much closer to home and i just wish we could all just meet up and go out or something.. sigh.. suddenly kind of regret not doing things.. but that might just be silly. why broad over the past? forget the things you cannot change and instead, cherish and do your best for the future! easier said than done.. haha
yesterday i did my 1st umpiring job in netball. it really didn't occur to me until i got home that i was the only asian throughout the whole night. as usual, my voice wasn't as loud as i wish it could have been as i shouted at people. crap, i couldn't even blow the whistle fast enough can. and i got so stressed up when the conveyor was on my back kind of like 'training' me proper unofficially cos perhaps she saw i was alil lost. i think i really made her work out.. but seriously? the other umpires also damn slack la... she's like the only strict and hyper one around can?
so in effort to run around as well, i strained my hamstring. again. it hurt a whole lot compared to last sat and every step home was ouch. i couldn't even push myself to jog home cos it was rather late at night. i was really weary of my surroundings when i walked home cos in my mind, i thought.. die la, if got some guy wanna stalk me, i can't even run away! felt very vulnerable...
its still aching alil now but i really really wanna play netball later! pray that it won't get anything too serious. getting like really scary stories from halfy, sophie and anna ._. haha..
crap i really just wasted 2hours in the library.
Sunday, April 20, 2008 @9:18 AM
my mind.
i achieved my objective at DFO! bought this really nice pair of puma shoes so i can finally return vic hers. theres like purple and black, so its damn cool~ tho kinda wish there was more purple than black. i mean, black sports shoes always give me this intimidating feel... don't u think so?
and than it was mad rush from home to netball practice. the weather was freezing and drizzly but we just played on... i really feel that netball has grown to be a really stress reliever.. tho i strained my hemstring. ha..
had to borrow some dencorub from charles and sit by the side while the rest played for 2 quarters... i hope i can play on tues! mm...
some peeps left and the rest that stayed gathered at hawken for dinner at misushi. i got a 'lift' on sam's car cos of my injury and there i told her a secret.
a secret thats not a secret because i want to just say it all out but i can't. its a secret cos i have to keep it as one. something that is driving me crazy but i try my best to be normal. thx for listening sam... just got to pray abt it...
was glad i joined in for pancakes after dinner too. we cracked all sort of silly jokes and i love every moment i get to spend with everyone.. i wish these moments last longer.
and my happy day was burst when i came home and started having a convo with alex.. something that hasn't happened in a while. i hate myself for becoming the person i become whenever i have a convo with him. i start feeling all frustrated and i tend to vent it on him as well. i become this angry, impatient and unkind person. someone i bet my friends will never see a side of me.
why can't i be with someone else that makes me feel that i can be a better person? i'm so tired of arguing. i'm so tired of being the one who's always wrong. and it makes me feel so alone.
i wish he would just take me away from everything.
and i don't mean alex. =(
Friday, April 18, 2008 @9:17 PM
ice cream cravings...
its been a quiet week. i think.
loads happened. sadness, excitement, anger and dissapointment...
but they're almost all forgotten. and i guess i'd like to leave them so.
anyways, gotta start on the next few assignments... sigh!
am looking forward to going to DFO tmr though.
shopping! yay :3
Sunday, April 13, 2008 @12:58 PM
less than 3 days
had a really good workout at netball practise yesterday, tho i kinda wished i stayed till the end... could have even tried out umpiring... argh, well at least didn't feel as guilty pigging so much thanks to the exercise, but yea.. i gotta continue to exercise more often. *trys to find motivation*
i just realised... that actually before my cramps, i bing alot. maybe its just a short term thing.. mm....
well, back to work tho, depending on how much i can finish, i might not go for netball comp this coming tuesday. my mind is totally stressed up la but a part of me is also finding excuses to relax. of which i played alil audi and watched 2 movies in a row: i'm a cyborg but thats ok and stomp the yard.
church in less then 3 hrs and till now, i have yet to do any work. gosh, please don't let this day be wasted! i need to decide on a table layout...
Saturday, April 12, 2008 @12:22 PM
the countdown continues
with an assignment coming due every week, i really gotta start doing work more seriously. and when i go through materials and sites for my research, i find some interesting stuff..
was going thru a directory listing, checking all the websites n sourcing for pics for my project when i came across www.stagingconnections.com. it sounded so familiar la, and i only realise later when i found an article of an event that i was roped in to do back when i was in sentosa! it was a really big event that involved half a million bucks! which is seriously alot considering its just a 1 day event for 300pax. heh, never thought i'd see this.. reminds me of everyone back home.
and when u thought people have stopped making fun of the size of singapore, i found this in the 1st para of an article: "The huge Lake Taupo - the size of Singapore..."
so demeaning!
Friday, April 11, 2008 @11:23 AM
eating disorder
when u look back and think 5 yrs ago was just like yesterday, but u can't remember what u did in the morning today, its just a case of bad memory.
i really don't have a good sense of time lately. i'm getting late for lectures and i'm alil behind schedule with my work. like, i'd plan to finish things in an amount of time and way overshoot it..
now i've got less than 5 days to finish another presentation (which i totally haven't started) and i've got esays and proposals due the week after (which i have ALSO totally haven't started).
isn't it amazing? ._.
maybe thats why i'm overeating.
sigh, still wishing i was single too. crap.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008 @7:09 PM
wasted day
soooo omg.
i spent my entire day finishing 2 anime series, elemental gerade and shounen onmyouji. *pulls hair*
and tmr had to be my longest day. oh the dread... and i used to love thursdays. there was just something about thursday u know? now i only look forward to tuesday, friday and saturday most.
on a different note tho, i might be able to start work real soon! my job? a netball umpire on either monday, wednesday or thursday night. or better still, all 3 nights! more days = more income. tho it'll also mean less time to do my assignments...
i gotta start on em soon man! x_x
@12:36 AM
dreamin of u
1 presentation down, 2 more to go.
plus 2 proposals.
2 essays.
1 report.
and i haven't really started on any of em much. the horror...
so anyways, we finally won in netball!!! haha, and i didn't fall down!!! its really quite an achievement. hurrays to jorno n charles that passed the ball to me. its really quite an amazing feeling...
oh, just realised that i can make yummy unagi fried rice. :D
can't wait to bake some muffins... tho looking at the amount of assigments i gotta do, it might have to wait till after my exams.. time will really pass by fast with an assignment coming due each week.
still moodless to get started tho... ahh... and i'm daydreaming in the middle of the night... i'm so hopeless ._.
u'll never know.
Monday, April 07, 2008 @10:50 PM
presentation
got a group presentation later which i kinda dread..
sigh.
i skipped classes to sleep in. when i went to school for project meeting, as i was walking to school, i suddenly felt how life is full of secrets, lies and deceit. its quite a depressing feeling..
so sianz.
Thursday, April 03, 2008 @10:04 PM
ransom
i feel so torn...
almost hate myself. theres always 2 side to things. 2 stories.
many intepretations. many misunderstandings. many hurts.
if only i had the money, it will really be over.
now i have to wait for another 3 months.
3 months.
this is going to get painful.
@9:40 AM
unlucky
on the day before april fool i made a remark and now i'm on the verge of breaking up with alex.
again.
this is not a post april fool's joke. ._.
then on tuesday i fell during netball comp again. this time, even harder than 2 weeks before. i've got a really big bruise on one knee and a laceration on my other. the pharmacist claim i tore 3 layers of skin and hit flesh... how she could tell by studying my knee for 5 secs, i have no clue.
but that same pharmacist recommended me to buy this protective waterproof film when i just wanted to buy antiseptic cream and maybe a big plaster.. and now... whenever i change dressing theres just alot of pus. like, so eww...
thats still not the end of my bad luck. yesterday i was having lunch with sophie and hui min at south bank. we were sitting at the table like the rest of the other 50 people around us, having a quiet simple lunch, when a pigeon laid a bomb on my shirt sleeve. for the record, it was.. dark green ._.
then after cleaning up i went shopping for a new shirt cos i was too lazy to go back home and change. well.. shopping always cheer me up so i'm glad things got better after that. tho i was supposed to do some self studying in the state library for like a couple of hours, i was only there for like.. an hour? haha, then i met ash and jx to buy our movie tix for step up 2 before headng back to the city to meet jason n clarence for dinner at satay club.
even tho my wallet was really empty, i treated myself to a double scope of ice cream (totally yum!) of which i savoured for half an hour before heading back to the cinema to catch our movie.
step up 2 was somehow inspiring... makes me wanna learn how to dance too. mm... well thats so much for trying to be optimistic. i wonder if i'll really get a twix choc i won from a side bet.. :D