Thursday, May 24, 2007 @7:32 PM
you know
you know sometimes you might feel something and your gut tells you another.. and then 10 seconds later you realise you've been standing at the same spot wondering over something and in the end you still got no conclusion?
what would you do then?
i'm sorry if i'm confusing anyone. anyway, life is still tiring. i'm still working.. but hey! i got a pay increment! or should i say market adjustment? :s
who cares? as long as there's more $$.. i'm happy! need as much as i can get to buy my lappy and... just my lappy really. finally i feel adequately paid you know? i do NOT know anyone who's a full-timer who gets a pay lower than me. i refer to diploma holders ya.. heck! even my JUNIOR i caught up with over a chance encounter earns more as a PART-TIMER in a month, then me as a full time staff! it obviously doesn't feel good.
in the past, i used to keep telling myself, it's for the people.. for the experience..
but when people started leaving.. and more work came.. and where the 'exposure' i thought i would get became a smaller and smaller possibility of achieving... i'm ready to leave.
i'll still miss some people.. and its ok if they don't...
today i realise i've been shut out. as just a reader i've been wondering about the things going around but i haven't done anything about it. still haven't actually, but somehow i got wind that i should be careful. of what? since i have never done anything.. hah.. everything is just way outta my league. perhaps i'm just too young in the eyes of everyone. with the kind of dressing i'm always wearing in office, its not hard to be labeled a xiao mei mei.. oh wells.. i
am young.. but why do i feel old and tired inside?
i should plan something for my 21st! i wonder if i'll get a chance to celebrate it in office. i wonder if people in office will remember. it's always a 'surprize' that as a participant it feels so expected.. but i can't imagine it happening to me.
in any case, i'll still have a mini party.. at my place! then maybe meet-up some old friends to say my bai bais too.. (have sudden flash of tot that my plane will crash while i fly to aussie) gosh.. have to think positive.. :s
i wonder how much i should budget for food.. steamboat? BBQ? or catering? mmm.. actually i feel like thinking up a wicked game... hehehe.. oh wells, stay tuned~
Tuesday, May 22, 2007 @7:54 PM
in the office..
somehow i can't seem to put my mind to focus on my work.
maybe my heart's already halfway over the ocean to aussie. lol.. i still can't imagine.. life out of singapore for more than 9 days! and i thought 9 days in miyazaki, japan was cool.. counting down to less than 2 months and i'll be staying in brisbane for months!! well, studying while i'm at it of course.
plus a roomie! i do hope we get along well. i haven't even seen her photo.. but i trust that jem should have good taste.. perhaps just except the previous girl that didn't get over her past relationship.. but then again.. sigh, her story is also quite pityful. too long a story to blog..
so anyways, work is still killing me. i can't wait for it to stop! sense of responsibility kills. but i'm sure the lord will bring me through..
thank god!
for enrolling me in a university
for keeping me healthy
for getting my visa approved
for finding me a roomie (with jem's help too)
for having cousins staying close by
for getting a good quote for my air tickets, even if it's Quantas and not SQ.
yeah, i'm a tired little girl.. sleeping at 1am everyday and waking at 7am for work. but i'm also a happy little girl :)
Tuesday, May 08, 2007 @7:00 PM
ah..
its been super super long since i last posted any updates.
been really long...!!! (feels like half a year or so)
but to summarize it all, life's been really BUSY! which explains..
*sigh* so much have happened, i don't know where to start writing!
like well, the deposit for my school fees was paid on the 4th may! will take another 2 weeks or less to process (according to andrew from idp) and so now i'm waiting for some kind of package that will come from the school.. so excited!!
thanks to jemo i've also found myself a roomie.. price is really not too bad.. and i thought i can pretty much confirm that no matter what, i'll be staying with her.
until my cousin from aussie called. i pray and i hope my bills don't skyrocket! but well.. so thankful he called.. so comforting to hear that he'll take care of me like his sister.. like how we were when we were younger. we used to be pretty close.. and then we drifted.. and then close.. and then we drifted.. i guess its just part and parcel of life.. while we grow and walk our own paths, sometimes when we're lucky our paths would cross and we offer comfort to old friends and relatives ya?
well, praying for a smooth sailing trip.. and see how things go.. plus pray for company bonus to not get delayed!! dear god...
and what about alex? perhaps long distance relationship? perhaps. i still dare not think of what to do least i make some hasty remark that will hurt his feelings and affect his mood to studying for his examinations. ya, will settle things after may 19th. whatever it is la..
seriously speaking? i can kind of imagine us being together..
but i need the break. for now, i really feel that it is best.
the feeling is so strong.. that our personalities can get so conflicting. i really don't want to be in a marriage like my mothers.
he has not met my utmost basic criteria until now. and i don't know when he will. perhaps in future.. but that is one big PERHAPS.
personalities can change with some understanding and comprimise.. but HEY! i don't want to settle down yet.. face all these now..
it all sounds so selfish, but thats my innermost feelings. i know telling him will hurt him and i will get sad.. but its not like THE END rite..
i dunno if it's anger that has gotten the better of me for saying all these.. but what my cousin said during our tele-conversation did make sense. kind of like, brought me back to reality.. and made me realise the thing i have been denying to face for the longest of time.
PEOPLE CHANGE
the memories scare me and yeah, i wanna 'start life afresh' there. patrick (my cousin) says i might like it more there and i can't help feeling that i might agree! actually, anywhere without my mom is like = to freedom and liberty. it is not an exzageration if my mom was urs ok.
only thing i'll miss is that i'll have to do my own laundry there. ironing. cooking. yucks...
so anyways... we'll see how things go... again ^_^
actually still got more things to update but aya, stay in office until very late already -_- sigh!