i got this really huge baluku on my head.. i noticed and felt the pain as i was washing my hair. i didn't notice it yesterday so it must have been recent right? but i have no idea how it got there because i certainly don't remember bumping into anything that could have caused such a big lump. =s
please don't tell me sleeping pills cause this kind of side effects?
then my mind suddenly drifts to house.
maybe i've caught some strange illness which is causing a big clot in my head and i'll die soon. at least i know for sure its not an infection cos i'd need to have a fever to justify that. or perhaps its a tumour... then the question would be if its cancerous or not. mm.. i always thought wilson was pretty cute. (i know, strange taste. shoot me) oh but then again he's not a real doctor.
gosh if i have to die at least let me die after my holidays?
normally i would request it'll be before exams but i'm really looking forward to new zealand and cairns.. yeah.. even though i haven't really followed up with checking and confirming the routes and stuff... oops =x
ahh.. so much stuff to do.. somehow i just have strange urges to go to the gym and pool tho. weird eh? i'm one weird girl.
mm..
thats what life is.
its a series of rooms,
and who we get stuck in this room with adds up to what our lives are.
sigh.
don't really have much to update.. neither do i have anything emo to post so.. heh.. posting my newest buys! actually the latest would be 3 new dresses i bought yesterday but i haven't took pictures. wore 1 today, am gonna wear another tomorrow... so exciting!! haha
okok, so this is the next coolest thing i bought quite recently from coles (kinda like ntuc in sg).. its called Moxie! just look at the cute packaging...
yes, and if you can't read the words, its... tampons! and the pink words write "in purse worthy tins" hehe, see below for other side of the box where they show how the tin looks like.
isn't it sweet? personally i don't like tampons. i'd rather just stick to ultra thin pads, or pads so thin, they claim to be 'invisible'. rofl. anyways, tampons? its as bad as stuffing a bullet up your ass (i know, bad example, but you get the picture) but but... the packaging was so cute.. i couldn't resist! just had to buy =p
haha... oh what am i to do with them.... anyone wants a tin? xD
close your eyes and imagine that we're alone
that nothing else matters and the skies are blue
fluffy clouds pass and baby birds sing
we're sitting atop a hill below a shady tree
its okay if nothing is said
we'll share a lolly pop and sit on a swing
and in a light breeze you'll ruffle my hair
put your arms around me like a teddy bear
and thats how i wish my life would end
cos nothing in this world matters
your smile is all i need
was somewhat inspired from the song love story.. sung by taylor swift
i'm not referring to anyone, i'm just dreaming of finding love someday.. i don't wanna think about how long someday will take because i don't know when i'll fall in love again. maybe it'll be tomorrow, maybe it'll be years away. as long as i keep hoping, perhaps someday won't seem too far away.
yeah..
someday, someone special will tell me i won't be alone
someday, someone i love will say i love you and thats all you need to know
and i will just be smitten if he knelt on the ground, pulled out a ring and say "baby just say yes"
haha, oh where's my love story?
mm shall post abit on the movies i watched yesterday cos somehow... i still feel rather disturbed, especially by the mist. well, actually only by that movie out of hellboy 2 and taken.
its weird how we all say and know that when driven to desperation in circumstances, people can do really weird and extreme things.. but seeing it unfold is just rather... disturbing. i think that was like the highlight of the movie..? it wasn't about special effects or alien invasion. just human behaviour. (i can just picture this being a socio or psychological movie study case)
if i were a character in that movie, i'd wish to be the son. somehow i can share the emotions of not wanting his dad to go. but if i had to be a female character, i'd prolly be the blonde female (forgot her name ady). tho i may be a christian, i'll still remain sane and hmm... i would also prolly still slap that insane brunette for being crazy, spouting nonsense and scaring people. she was only able to do that and rise to such power because theres no one else in the shopping mall that had enough bible knowledge. like, wth, its really just so extreme.
just because she can read some bible verses and she's good at talking doesn't mean she's intepreting it right. yes we may all read the same verse and see things differently, but it has to be a pastor (or someone equivalent) to guide and advise should u have doubts and make sure its intepreted correctly. movies like these can be bad cos it sort of make christians doubt about christianity, and abt god. its like da vinci code? but on the other hand, if u can answer the doubts created from the movie, it could serve to strengthen ur faith.
i guess what disturbed me so much is really just how that mad woman (also forgot her name) really just went out of hand. i think she totally lost it during the time when she was accusing the poor soldier.. when she saw someone stab him, and then quickly called him a 'sacrifice'. and then after that induce the idea that a blood sacrifice was needed everyday... and wanting the small boy as the next sacrifice? that was just wrong. they have degraded themselves akin to tribal madness.
yes god spoke to abraham and asked him to sacrifice his son to prove his faith, which abraham did, and for the record, isaac (his son) was not killed. yup, u can check genesis 22 or see this: http://www.rationalchristianity.net/abe_isaac.html
and besides, jesus died on the cross for our sins. he was the biggest sacrifice and so, there was no need for sacrifices anymore. -_-"
hmm, didn't intend this to be a holy post but yea.. it bugged me. it jut occured to me how this movie is somewhat similiar to war of the worlds too. the only difference is the number of people stuck in the same environment and the ending. it was quite dumb but at least its a nice ending for war of the worlds, where everyone was united. the mist was just.... morbid and sad.
ahh, i feel like its the holidays... still don't wanna touch work man..
am amazed that i'm not as tired as i think i would be even though i haven't had a decent sleep for the past... 37 hours? mm.. brain not thinking already, so not tired.. haha~
kel.. thx so much for ur company wor.. actually i don't think i would have been able to tong all night if u weren't there.. haha! means i lack sleep also is your fault! hahaha
anyways, in the midst of rushing thru assignments with kel last evening (or should i say morning), i have made a few new resolutions!
i will not buy any more sweets, chocs, or chips... at least, until november.
my new breakfast diet will consist of an orange =s
and i'll try to jog and swim at least once a week! (um, till nov)
can't u see my sincerity in losing weight? :D
this is to make up for all the chocs, ice cream, banana, cereals, sweets and instant mee i've been having in the past... 37 hours ._.
well i needed to stay awake what... plus the stress, u really can't blame me...
i'm just glad its all over!
hurray weekends~
am somewhat taking a breather in the library... heh, posting while karen's off getting food. i think i've over-compensated myself with food.. its scary u know, how somehow.. people can't seem to recognise me much. like, have i grown so much fatter? looked too dull because of the stress from assignments, or...?
and to top it off, qw had to tell me i 'hen hui chi'.
die la, am really eating too much. yes i enjoy good food....
...
T_T die la....
on a lighter note, 2 assignments are down, 2 more to go!
wednesday is like the middle of the week and thank god for that.
i pray for my presentation group tomorrow. like, during meeting today, the 2 ang moh mates were driving me mad... and karen have that look... that of 'given up hope' on her face. like, cannot be bothered to comment either already. or should i say disbelief?
1 of them, did his speech but never bring his updated slides.
another did her speech, updated her slides but forgot to bring the hardcopy of her script.
in short, it was quite a waste of time meeting today. -_-"
but today was still overall a rather nice day.
well aside from the fact that i only caught 3 hrs of sleep, and i was horridly late for my tutorial where i had to consult with alexia. which, didn't go too well either as she refused to look at what i have done for tutorial, and just basically beat around the bush to shoot me for not being responsible and being late. but like, its really quite a waste of time and you can't blame me when her tutorials basically consist of her talking for 10mins or less, and you do your own research for the next 50mins. i might as well sleep!
yeah, other than these... am just glad presentation went alright. we were lucky the 1st group that presented was like... quite boring. so we sorta 'refreshed' everyone with our pictures and erm.. asian 'accent'. the PRC's really just destroyed us with it la... but haiz, presentation is over! i don't care already~ as the saying goes, theres no point crying over spilt milk, yea?
then another amazing thing happened.. (wonder if he'll see this) delong msned me! ahha, yeah, really unexpected and well if u do see this, i'm really grateful. somehow the short conversation reminded me about the times back in poly days.. and then i just had to go back and check out what i actually posted, digging up my arch. back in 2004. and i keep wondering... have i changed? how much have i changed?
and in the midst of trying to recollect my past, of all the crazy things that have happened to me, there's this post i think i should repost. cos it might be an applicable story to u! haha, no harm reading and reflecting!
there was this guy who loved two gals at the same time but he didn't know which one he loved more.
someone taught him. ask yourself this question and answer it honestly:
"when you are happy, which gal would you want to share your happiness with?" the one you think of is someone you love.
then ask yourself another question and answer it honestly: "when you are sad, which gal you want to share your burden with?" the one you think of is also someone you love.
if you think of the same gal when you are happy & sad, that's the most perfect. but if you don't think of the same gal, I would advise you to chose the one you are willing to share your sadness with.
in life, there are more sorrows than happiness. there are too many people that u meet that u can share your happiness with, not necessary your lover. if you live your life happily, you can also enjoy it alone.
in sadness, however, there are not many people willing to share your burden with you. if you are willing to tell someone your happiness, i am sure that person has got to be someone close & is an understanding person to you. but it shouldn't stop there. if that person only thinks of you when she is happy, but looks for someone else when she is sad, this lover is too unstable, she doesn't treat you as someone she can spend the rest of her life with.
of course, i will be very happy if i am the first person to share her happiness. But, if she is sad, i will be too willing to stay by her side & ease her pain. Only then, will i believe that i hold a very important position in her heart. if you are sad, who comes to your mind first?
friendship is a strange thing. we find ourselves telling each other the deepest details of our lives... things we don't even share with the families who raised us. but what is a friend? a confidant? a shoulder to cry on? an ear to listen? a heart to feel? a friend is all these ... and more.
no matter where we met, no matter how long we've been together... I call you a friend. a word so small, yet so large in feeling, a word filled with emotion, a word overflowing with love. truly great things come in small packages. once the package of friendship has been opened, it can never be closed. it is a constant book always waiting... waiting to be read... and enjoyed. we may have our disagreements... we may have our disappointments ...we may argue ...we may have concern for one another...
friendship is a unique bond that lasts through all tribulations. a part of each of us goes into our friendships... our humor ... our experiences... our tears. friendships are foundations... necessary for life... and love.
sometimes God wants us to meet many wrong people, so that when the right one comes along, we will appreciate that person more.
yep, and can i just say i love my sister? hahaha, i never even tell her much and she's just always there and reassuring.. lemme quote heehee
"never fall for a guy who love you less then you love him. V important!!"
hahaha, what kind of funny advice is this? love can't be measured leh.. haha, at times like this i really do feel like a loved lil sister. cheers to facebook, it's better than msn! :)
and then its over, its gone as fast as it came.
but what am i to say is gone, when there was nothing to begin with?
all there ever was, were the feelings inside that never made it out. and i really just should have known better..
cry i will not. cos its not worth it.. drink maybe? haha..
from my holy friend,
God is able to make all grace abound in us for all things and all times, in all we do.
2 cor 9:8
thankiu. :)
am comforted by god too.. suddenly so many ppl wanna date me! hahaha, oh wells..
thats life.
yes, in another 125 hours, it will be my time to party! endure cat, u can do this!
and suddenly i feel very tired. -_-"
anyways, came across this post when i was doing random surfing.. from some geekinpink blog.
love turn cynical
Have we become too cynical for our own good?
Recall a time when you had fallen in love and not questioned his/her motives for being in love with you.
Recall a time when you didn’t intentionally dramatise a mistake to seek his/her attention.
Recall a time when the relationship was going so well, you purposely messed it up because you thought this was almost too good to be true and you didn’t deserve him/her.
Recall a time when being in love means being honest and not being wary.
Recall a time when you didn’t hold back your I love you.
Recall a time when you didn’t first worry about sounding needy or submissive before you say it.
Remember the time when there was no mind games.
I remember my first love.
I remember our honest hopes about the future.
I remember him holding out his hand to me in front of his friends.
I remember his handwritten letters.
I remember the flowers that bloomed for ten days but now brown and brittle in my room.
I remember saying I love you without hesitation.
I remember him saying I love you too in tears.
I remember his tears.
But the first love that was promised to be forever was taken away from me.
By distance.
And I was so hurt I cried for weeks.
Too young to comprehend that this was the only the beginning of the chase for love.
Too fragile to believe that there could be anyone else better for me besides my first love.
And although I had moved on, my heart had carved itself a wall of stone.
To the point…Where the next one that came along and liked me, I approached him with caution.
Where the next one that came along and said he loves me, I doubt his feelings.
Where the next one that came along and confessed his hopes for us, I questioned his motives.
Where the next one that came along and had faith in our future, I was determined to find at least one flaw in our relationship.
Where the next one that came along and there was no arguments, I concluded that there was no passion and excitement in this relationship.
Where the next one that came along and he was so kind to my needs and demands, I believed I didn’t deserve his love.
Where the next one that came along and held my hand in public, I was actually shocked instead of being delighted.
Where the next one that came along and brought me to meet his parents, I thought he was moving too fast.
Where the next one that came along and admit he would love me eternally, I declared him naive.
Have I become too careful?
Have I lost faith in love itself?
Have I become too cynical for my own good?
Am I just afraid to be hurt again?
Actually, are WE all just afraid to be hurt again?
If that is the case, then why do we keep falling in love with the bad boys over and over again?
If that isn’t hypocrisy, I don’t know what is.
I guess with the bad boys, at least you can predict what’s coming.
There will surely be arguments.
There might be disloyalties.
There will eventually be a breakup. And a reunion. Then another breakup.
If you should choose it, another reunion maybe?
But is it worth it?
If we choose not to hurt ourselves in the beginning, why do we continue to let ourselves be vulnerable to such predicaments?
Then wouldn’t our cynicism be pointless right from the beginning?
I guess that is why we remember our first love so fondly.
***
i feel like i understand alil more abt myself. i feel i understand alil more abt u.
tho for the record my 1st love didn't say i love u in tears. and we separated not because of distance, but his fear of commitment. and although we are now friends, reminisces do still brings back that lil ache.
is that the same for u?
is it a feeling of longing that things could be back the way they were before with her or is it really over? do u regret asking me out? are u feeling guilty of hurting a friend or am i really something more?
what a long post eh.. and i can only end with another quote i took...
All that my past relationships had taught me is that it gets harder and harder to say I love you each time.
I am now wary of relationships. Yet I am still careless.
I am now cynical of love. Yet I still fall in love over and over again.
I am now angry at men. Though there is hope yet…
I am now hurting. Yet I know I am willing to be hurt again and again until I find the right person.
The astonishing thing is…
I harbour all these cynicisms and emotional baggage.
And yet… I will want nothing else but the right person in my life.
a rational answer does not solve an emotional problem.
i guess only time will tell?
i just need to survive through this week... oh god i need strength and perserverance in so many ways..
but for now,
i wish i could just spend more time with u.
i didn't know its called viral tagging lol.
am willing to do anything but assignments now...
1) The person who tagged:
Steve Teo
2) Your relationship with him/her is:
Buddies
3) Your five impressions on him/her:
* Emotional
* IT wizz
* Reliable
* Trusted confidant
* Helpful
4) The most memorable thing that he/she had done for you:
hmm.. can never forget how u looked out for me at thailand man. =p
5) The most memorable thing that he/she had said to you:
i think it goes beyond words.. haha!
6) If he/she becomes your lover, you will:
cannot imagine! haha, great that we're both attached~
7) If he/she becomes your lover, thing he/she has to improve on will be:
maybe on our fashion sense. hmm.. kelly we're growing old u know..
8) If he/she becomes your enemy, you will:
die. just die. my computer is defenseless against ur hacking skills. lol.
9) If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
maybe if pawned him in dota. which will never happen in my lifetime. lol.
10) The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
meet up for prata! ahha
11) Your overall impression of him/her is:
great guy + friend =D
12) How you think people around you will feel about you?
i'm really not too sure about this. how ah?
13) The characteristic you love of yourself are:
Trustworthy?
14) On the contrary, the characteristic you hate of yourself are:
mm.. my goldfish memory. it's gd sometimes tho
15) The most ideal person you want to be is:
Anyone but the devil. (agreed)
16) For people who cares and likes you, say something to them:
Thanks and I really appreciate it!
17) Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you?
1. Amos (does this mean u have to post for steve & me? heehee)
2. Amelia
3. Angeleigh
4. Hester
5. Fagan
6. Jane
7. Jovi
8. Karin
9. Verna
10. Yi Ling
18) Who is no.6 having relationship with?
hmm.... seems complicated
19) Is no. 9 a male or female?
female!
20) If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
cannot lesbian!
22) What is no.2 studying about?
arts!
23) When is the last time you had a chat with no.3:
months ago.. a good chat? years.. =(
24) What kind of music band does no.8 like:
hmm english genre but which exactly i'm actually not too sure.. =s
25) Does no.1 have any siblings:
1 younger brother & 2 younger sisters!
26) Will you woo no.3:
erm.. i'm happily attached. tyvm.
27) How about no.7:
same answer as above!
28) Is no.4 single:
seems like it..
29) What is the surname of no.5:
i think its cheong. uh.. crap i forgot
watching english drama
31) Does no.5 and 9 get along well?
hmm.. we were all from shss but i dunno if they still remember each other.
32) Where is no.2 studying at?
UniMelb~
33) Talk something casual about no.1:
beloved brother who is quite blur but always reliable. hmm, is your fashion sense getting better? heehee
34) Have you tried developing feelings for no.8?
yeah she's got this motherly aura all around her.. mummy!
35) Where does no.9 live at?
bedok! (if she hasn't moved)
36) What colour does no.3 likes?
hmm.. quite a few.. earthly colours
37) Are no.5 and 1 best friends?
don't think they know each other
38) Does no. 1 have any pets?
nope.. (i think)
39) Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
ok i'll be realistic, sexy in my eyes can ady =p
hmm... slacking? =x
yes even if u're not under the sun's blazing rays, the radiating heat is also enough to choke...
...
okay so i'm exaggerating just a lil...
haa... its a beautiful hot day =)
i still can't stop grinning to myself from time to time and my mind actually wandered off during tutorial this morning.
and then i vandalized the table. haha!
i haven't felt so happy in a really long time.. so long that it really just seem surreal. would u believe that i was nervous when u held my hand?
i can't describe the happiness..
and i better stop writing before i sound like some psycho! lol.
nap time~
its amazing how i feel so much better after a trip to church and a good rest. one of the biggest thing i'd miss about brisbane, aside from the new friends, the weather and the rather laid back lifestyle... will definitely have to be brisbane city church.
i feel like i've recieved much and they have so freely given me comfort asking for nothing in return. thanksgiving is in part, my duty to give anyway so yeah.. i'm really thankful to have found bcc.
after yesterday i just got reminded how i should be just living for god and put things in his hands instead of my own. somehow there is greater power in doing so then trying to solve my problems on my own because by myself, i'm just helpless. keeping it within and broading over it just made me even more depressed. the fear of hurt and rejection huanted me, and i got scared from memories and past experiences..
i was retreating to my shell and putting on a strong front. but its not easy keeping up, acting on the outside as if i didn't care when inside, i do. it sucks to be stuck in the middle and i don't want to be like this. i'd like to think i've grown stronger and i can take whatever that comes my way, but matters of the heart can be more than i can bear and i can't help pushing it away on first instinct. i'm torn between protecting myself and longing for protection.
i'm not perfect and i don't expect anyone to be. i'm not strong though i try to be. my father may comfort my soul but in life, the support i need is more than a shoulder and if i can't rely on you to be strong enough to support me, who else can i turn to?
things will not change and i will still love u as a friend as i do to all of my friends dear to me. and i only ask for that in return until things are settled. perhaps when you are ready, things will come more naturally. i like someone with confidence =)
gosh i took pretty long to think things out.
leave it all in god's hands anyhow.. assignments beckons!
praise god.
From the inside out by Hillsongs United
A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out, Lord
let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out, Lord
let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out, Lord
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
apart from the walks, the nice dinner, and the rather lame movie....
i'm just so glad we talked.
and i pray i will no longer need to traumatize myself =s
heehee.... nuff said. =)
on a more stressful note.. assignments are calling...
boo!! shall do em tmr morning. *sigh*
nite world~
i think i screwed up.
sigh...
not fated to be with a person i like. i just can't be normal and everything i say just seem wrong. or i'd say things i don't mean. or what i meant just comes out wrong.
i dunno la... communication fail. :(
and i think if i try to clear things up, i might mess it up further so i should just forget it. everything is so blurry now! arghh