Sunday, January 30, 2005 @1:06 PM
sunday blues
the "holidays" are coming to an end. schools starting again. next thing you know, it'll be chinese new year. then there's my event. followed by end-sem exams and next thing you know it's time for s.i.p.
i'm losing my sense of feel for time. without christopher, time seems to drag along... but at the same time time flies, cos i feel my deadlines pressing in.
its wierd.
there's so much to do.... arghz, i'm rather stressed.
i have to constantly organize and reorganize myself... wish there was an easier way out.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 @10:34 AM
thinking of what nots
i can sense pms coming. arghz.
just this morning i was so happy the moment i received a message, and everything seemed good and fine. even the morning cool breeze felt ever so perfect. but when i stepped out of the house and was on my way to the bus-stop, some funny old man stepped in front of me, and starting huffing and puffing on his short white cigarette.
i was choking on his smoke all the way as i walked out. suddenly the breeze didn't seem all that enjoyable anymore. whats worse, was that when i got to the bus-stop, that old man walked to the grass patches at back of the bus-stop, to continue smoking! and nomatter where i stand, i would still inhale his second-hand smoke because thats where the wind is coming from. i held my breath for a couple of minutes, watch some bus pass me by until i could take it no longer... i decided to walk to school. i guess it was a much better alternative than slapping that old man, don't u think?
see, i'm violent.
arghz. i so absolutely detest smokers.
hmm.. i think i ought to get to the basketball courts lest i get a yakking fro jamie. *sigh* i'm thinking rather negatively today again. blame it on the pms.
Sunday, January 23, 2005 @10:36 PM
a long week ahead
its supposed to be a one week holiday. but i guess i'm not one of the fortunate ones among thousands that make up the school population, to enjoy that privilege. i'm feeling rather stressed.
dinner is 3 strawberries and 2 small little bunches of grapes. it wasn't intentional, just that it seems that my whole family have forgotten about dinner. if this goes on, i guess i can try to take comfort that i wouldn't grow any fatter than lately. i've eaten more on the last 2 days then i have over the entire week. can't wait to gym with leigh this tues.
i need to reorganise myself, or in other words, reassure myself that i'm doing fine. just had thoughts about branches of pathway down my future.. and one of them wasn't nice. i have a weak heart.
things to do over the coming week:
1. saffron make-up class
2. meit meeting
3. scuba diving orientation
4. gyming with leigh on tues
5. full-day, tsc events that'll spread over the week, on mon, wed, fri, and sat
6. appointment with lay ling on thurs re: bonkers iv, yet to be confirmed
7. finding susan goh & ms evelyn lim re: osip and sip
8. going through all the newspaper cuttings in details
9. finish up 2 color & composition workpiece
10. complete workplan of bonkers iv in full details by weds
11. check back with jamie re: bonkers iv banner design & t-shirt design
12. write my resume, cover letter, application & rejection letters
did i mention i have
no holiday?
but i shall maintain my composure. despite faltering for a few moments, god will see me through, as he always had. shall not imagine what the future holds, i'll leave it all in god's hands. he has already provided me with so much... and i'm just thankful he did. if its going to be a test of endurance, then bring it on.
@3:28 AM
its like a dream...
if this is a dream... then i wish i'll never have to wake up...
cos i feel so happy.
Friday, January 21, 2005 @1:52 AM
tired..
i would have dropped dead in my bed were it not for my wet hair. i need sleep~!!
it had been a really long day, waking up early in the morning to meet jj to make our way to harbourfront via mrt, meeting sam for breakfast before he drove us in to sentosa.
it was quite an adventure really. we started exploring the island from the left, and after passing by the telecom, sam drove us all the way in to sentosa cove.. and it was a really beautiful sight! very lovely place, maybe the weather played a part in making the place look so attractive too.
to our surprise, as we drove further in, we saw a showroom suite called the berth. and uncle sam showed such interest in it, we went in! (mind u, i was wearing slippers and shorts, so was uncle sam, and jj was in jeans and sandals) i felt so out of place inside, because the first few people i saw were all in suits! grand place indeed. but the servie staff - jean, was really nice! or was she thinking looks can be deciving? haha, she showed us the floorplan, brought us around the showroom that was so nicely designed, and was real polite. there's more details and story, but i'm lazy to blog about it =p
saw leigh, michelle n another girl as we went by the beach, and midway through the rackie, we also bumped into uncle sam's old student, who happened to be a lifeguard of sentosa! i'm not supposed to say what happened next.. people who want to know will have to ask me~ haha, it was quite an experience.
brought sam to the stables after our serious discussion, and this time, there was someone who brought us around and because of that, i just found out that they have riding courses!! and if you've graduated from the course.. and if you're good, you can actually ride around sentosa!! oh my goodness!!! i want to learn... and i wonder when i can... -sigh- wish i was so free.. if not, at least have more supportive parents. i just pray that the stables will be there, and stay there in years to come! i'm sure i'll be able to take lessons eventually.
back home, i was totally not thrilled to face the housework. especially not after spending more than half the day flying around sentosa. and with all that i've done, its not very encouraging that the house is still in a mess. it will be better tomorrow, when most of the cleaning is finished, and more keeping of junk can be carried out. or even if we don't finish clearing the junk, chinese new year is still a good 2 to 3 weeks later. but at least we've gotten started at spring cleaning~ i just hope my neice's birthday party don't bring too much destruction. thinking of the old times when she visits.. she's as good as a mini typhoon. which is also one of the reason why i didn't bother tidying up much of my room after that, and why i'm rather reluctant to stay home when all the destruction will take place before my eyes tomorrow. am i exzagerating? maybe just a teeny weeny bit.
haha, if only i didn't have sports club meeting before i have to meet chris, i could do more clean up in the morning. ahh.. i'm nervous! i better sleep early.
Thursday, January 13, 2005 @4:44 PM
a new day
damn. i missed the dateline for online module 2 quiz. a perfect zero to add on to my final grades. totally wonderful.
well, even though that was a rather sacarstic remark, i'm still in a happy mood. which is good! positivity, optimism and whatever sugar and spice that's nice, come to me now! umm... amen.
i'm going nuts.
kitchen today was arghz!! but a good arghz! if u compared it to the last horrid week. the week i was pretty much driven to tears. i'll blame it on the pms. it was all my hormones raging and making me overemotional.
but then again, sometimes i don't have to be pmsing to be such an emotional wreck. i think i can't even predict my own mood myself. i can be so cold at one time, so dumb, and a crybaby in a split second. basically, i'm just mentally unstable. wonder how many will understand this feeling.. and yet... oh nevermind.
i'm just gonna enjoy this moment for now. treasure this moment for now.. i know that i'm getting my life interwined in another's. i know i'm going to face another roller coaster ride. i know that in time to come.. there'll come tinge of hurt, pain, and more sadness. but i've decided to take a step out.. out of my little crabby shell. it's not going to be easy. but i'll make it.
i know i can.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005 @4:32 PM
pending
thats the state of my mind.
i'm starting to get more sorted out. i feel freaked by the way i have organized myself, and the pms isn't helping. i'm not saying ts a bad thing. but i'm just having a bad atitude now. i'm even considering whether i should scream at the chefs tomorrow should they be unreasonable. i dislike people who are unreasonable. if you think i am unreasonable, tell me and i will make due reflection of myself. thats is, if i'm unreasonable, which i rarely am unless done on purpose, which also means that i am concious of it and telling me then would be pointless, no?
felt good to have gymed with leigh today, even if it was at the expense of not doing accounts tutorial(thank god ms teo did't check). i felt so bloated the day before, i needed the workout badly.
i couldn't help thinking of the encounter and conversation i had with samuel yesterday. it brought back memories i buried years ago. come to think of it, it was the most decent conversation i had with him for almost 2 years? the sense of familiarity felt as if the breakup never happened, and we were still firends... and he still gave me the most comfortable feeling, like i could just sit down and talk to him, and have the best conversation of the century. i have known none other than him like that. there is always a sense of awkardness with other people. even with the people whom i've known for 6 years since school.. none gave me the feeling i got when i'm with him. i wonder if i'm the only one who feels that way.
and after i got off the bus and told jj about it, he said i deserve better. how much is better anyway? i always thought all you needed was someone who you can't live without. someone you get along very well with, though sometimes even the nicest couples have their share of quarrels. i didn't mind his looks, height or religion. but look at our state. i tried to learn from it and got more practical before going into my next relationship, and then now there was more of a cause for te separation.
my religion.
i'm going to really take my time now.. to consider what i want. what i feel. and how i'm going to live my life in future, while living in the present. i wonder how much time all this will take..
then again, as of now. all i want to do, is treasure the people i have. i'll let God lead the way. you can never plan it right anyhow. sheesh, i'm contradicting myself.
oh whatever.
Monday, January 03, 2005 @9:58 PM
in this world
many times things are never fair. not that they don't want to be fair, but sometimes, the situation just doesn't permit one to be so. there may also be time when mistakes are made, and injustice is dealt, but pride stops people from correcting the necessary.
all so many reasons, excuses - that make the world such a harsh place to live in. this is not discipline, but an abuse of power by the people who hold them.
maybe this is just my own opinion. my own reasoning of people. have i lost trust?
i would say yes.
and yet, i still hold the sympathies of the few who were put in the position unwillingly. these people who were uncalled for in the first place. to be the laughing stock of others. some of them... like me.