its pay day. pay day. pay day. pay day. pay day.
damn happy. though i know its only gonna be for awhile.
cos later i got to pass my mom $500.
then, set aside $350 for my tioman trip
just 2 withdrawals and it sums up to $850 leh!!! thats like my month's pay when i was a part timer can.. put another $200 away for daily food expense & $150 for transport... thats $1200!!!!
blardy hell.
sigh. how to save up for penang trip like that!?!? well, suppose i can convince my parents to let me go in the 1st place.
so touched that affandi gave me 2 cup noodles when i was in such dire need days ago. looking at the present situation.. guess i should go do more shopping to stock up on cup noodles again...
| Your Dosha is Pitta |
 You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor. You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader. Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways. But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical. With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you In love: You are picky but passionate To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight. |
yesterday i took a whole day off in lieu. slept so much cos i was so tired and blew my initial plans to do some self studying in the morning.. then something felt wrong, like i should have still met up with alex for lunch.. was kinda harsh when i told him i didn't take leave for him, but for myself. i'm like under alot of stress can? you shouldn't immediately jump to the conclusion that i'm gonna spend the whole day with you what..
then thinking that he might get fustrated at why i wanna go all the way to lavender to take a passport size photo again, which he did anyway, haiz this relationship is so strained... forget it. i was lucky to have lunch at home before making my way to lavender for another photo taking session (mom actually forgot i was home even though i told her beforehand and told her again when she tried to wake me up in the morning, but anyway, lucky she bought extra) which turned out much better (i knew it would) than the one i took in july..
so anyway, i left the ICA building and reached eunos mrt station at like.. 4.15pm. my diving theory lesson starts at 7pm. was suppose to meet the gang at 6.45pm. so technically, i have like 2 hrs 30 mins to kill. talk about alot of time...
my first thought, was wishing for a cyber cafe. which i scolded myself within the next 5 seconds that no i should study!! so i did. had also wanted to give alex a call and make peace when i realise i only had one bar on my handphone and i can't afford to have a dead phone else i won't be able to find sharon.
so i went to find a nice spot to sit down and mug after walking out of the station. regretted wearing skirt.. and the wind was so strong it kept blowing my papers away.. then i also had to deal with the public stares.. i think i managed to self study for about an hour and a half before i felt hungry and left my spot to find food.
had bah ku teh cos i remember the last time i ate it was with delong, which means its like over a year ago. it kinda felt like drinking pepper soup.. standard kinda not as good as before already.. no wonder didn't see so many mercedes cars along the road like last year..
anyways, i waited patiently.. till i met sharon & cal and then we made our way to the house cum school for lesson. after 2hrs i can tell you its pretty draining.. but i guess it still beats studying from the book by myself. the manual is damn thick ok?! what they cover in video for alittle over half an hour is like almost 70 pages in the manual...
coolest thing is i can take a bus that brings me close to home after lesson, so i got home pretty fast and thats the end of my 1 day off..
one more lesson today + final exam, then there's my mid course test for jap this friday.. stress! ronnie can't make it for a last minute revision tomorrow. more stress!! he's also struggling with uni life man.. we're all busy people..
omg, now there's the latest 60GB creative vision m player!! i want it...
argh.
there's this alarm ringing in the office thats also driving me nuts!
feel like binging.
very tired now. slept too little and now i can't seem to concentrate.
there goes the alarm again.
damn sad la.. no one i know plays audition. no time, energy & motivation now... wonder how much happiness means to me. am i happy?
somehow sometimes i wish things could start over or never began, cos that way there won't be the bitterness present inside me.
there's something wrong with me. but i can't seem to pinpoint exactly what. like always.. though i must have drove affandi and alicia nuts during lunch. i kept blabbering nonsense and making senseless jokes. then affandi kept asking me if i was ok. still want to blanja me cup noodles somemore. lolz.
you know, somewhere on the train, on the bus, while dreaming here and there, i had alot of thoughts. many different ones, some thought of before. things i wanted to note down or type in my blog, but i can never remember? now i'm left blank...
oh wait, yesterday the taxi driver also very funny ah.. say what alex should have sent me home and then go back. what guys will be so nice to you now, and that the feeling of a relationship is best now, the 'honeymoon' period.. and everything changes when two people are married. the love dies down, both get busy, things get complicated, babies and there's extra marital affairs la.. whatever. know what he calls it?
a part of life.
naturally i was shocked, hearing this from a uncle. and i thought only women had these worries. finally i meet an old uncle who agrees!
so i say, yeah.. so shouldn't get married right. why bring your life into that stage. then he says no. i'm like.. huh? then he goes again to repeat, thats a part of life. to get married and have kids.
sorry lor, times have changed. so what if i don't want to have kids? who says i can't not get married? why must i subject myself to the pain of living life as a sad married woman who have to slog through life for a man who will not appreciate it, find a younger, prettier woman or worse still, abuse it?
i've always loved to depend on people. lean on someone strong and sturdy. feel protected. but if marriage brings about the disintergration of that, then i'd rather not experience the feeling of love. i'd rather be alone and learn to be independent. as much as i know i'm not.
yea, i'm just feeling depressed. but i'll be ok. always will be.
life goes on even if it'll be without me.
its everywhere. its me. i'm freaking materialistic even if i say i'm not. i want alot of stuff. i save up and starve myself to pamper myself and get what i want. it actually seems ok, but now i realise how its probably not. lately i've been feeling the pinch of being broke. its so hard for me to be generous. there this chinese saying that when people talk about money, it hurts feelings.. and i do agree, cos it really applies to me! how to go through tough times together like this?
its not like i can't be generous.. i can be, but thats when my needs are satisfied. when i feel rich. now is definately not that kind of timing. i hate being broke lah.. *sigh*
it is only of some comfort that i'll be going to bedazzled! a small acapella concert at victoria theatres. a concert that doesn't have long queues, paparazzi or crazy screaming fans. its just for pure comfort and enjoyment of good music made by only the voices of people. yay! i only hope its something alex can appreciate and like.. else its such a waste of money..
actually i'm still quite amazed at how the decision to go for the concert was made so fast.. so.. real. hmm..
work wise, i'm quite relieved. finally got all my reports submitted on dateline. *double yay!* got my desk tidied up. got lesser events coming up.. which also means less OT but heck, i need the rest! need to also study my jap.. got alot of things to memorise leh!! then not to mention.. the scuba trip is finally confirmed!!!
thats like the most estatic thing thats happening in my life now. i just need to find a way to settle the money issue. its still 2 weeks more till payday!! gawd.. i need devine intervention...
despite my burnt poket hole... i'm still looking forward to starlight cinema too. too bad gen lim only got 2 free tickets of which, she will be keeping for herself *drats* i wanna watch ice age 2...
ayie.. better get back to work.. interns are peeking! 0.0!!
was originally not very happy, but i'm feeling better now. better to just forget about it... no point bearing a grudge or whatsoeva.. especially when i know it really wasn't intentional... just.. yea i wasn't very happy sitting all by myself just now lah.
another busy day. there's an event ongoing now. can't believe i actually really, i mean really ran all the way to the carpark to meet the organizer lor.. i think i really need to exercise.. this cannot go on.. the flab.. gawd.. even kelvin foo also ask me to by extrim.. say it really worked to bring down his tummy. so i guess i really might buy it...
ah wells, its been quite a few weeks since i blogged. been pretty busy i guess. my life is... crazy as ever. been into this new game called audition. super addictive.. if it were my holidays ah... i havoc liao... think when i started i was in like 6000+ position. who knows? maybe more joined in by now. then i'm in the top 1600. I'm aiming to be in the top 1000. alex set a target for me to be in top 300 or 500.. i forgot which.. damn hard i tell you.. but i'll try... i'll just have to find a way with work, audition, bf, jap and tv. so far, tv is the only thing that have been heavily comprimised. for now, i'll say its worth it. i just got to work even harder on my jap..
yesterday though, i found the perfect study method to combine jap revision and audition.. hehe... i shall try again maybe tonight.
things between me and alex have been really choppy over the past few weeks too.. my relationaship life is always blurred. dunno.. but maybe it'll get better.. time will tell la..
think i'd better start work on my reports.. its compiling into such a pile. ugh.