i know time is ticking. running so short of it. getting so suffocated by it. i just don't want to get killed by it.
work calls... i'm just glad i had the short moment of relaxation with kerrie. i was so engrossed in slacking, for a short one hour and a few minutes, i actually forgot about work.
lets just hope ms. lillie won't give me an egg for not showing up in tutorial and handing in 5 assignments... of which up till now i haven't done 3.
i'm praying hard. very, very hard.
|
it is now past 5.30am... and i'm still very much wide awake, and i have no idea why.
could it really be because of the maoam stripes candy? for the first time, i actually love a sweet for its lemonly flavour. mm... my new addiction. strawberry lolly pop will return again, someday.
god bless fagan... i finally sent out 3 resumes to raffles hotel, hotel rendezvous, and sentosa leisure management. not to forget, an application to the civil aviation authority of singapore. i have to get in to one of these 4 organizations for my s.i.p. just any one of them would be a blessing from god. and if all 4 replies, i'll buy fagan lunch or dinner... cos it only goes to show how horrid my cv really was.
its time to believe in miracles.
actually, in many ways i feel blessed already.
*wave of emotion rushes in*
i'm lovesick again.
*sigh*
i'm wishing for so many things i wish i could do but can't, praying for answers to questions i know won't reveal till probably much later, and working hard as life goes on and as everything whizzes past me.
1. things i have to do:
2. check status of event banner & shirts
3. send logistics list to sharu & pei rong
4. remind sharu to retrive lifejackets from the swimming complex
5. send info, general rules & programme sheet for officials
6. send mass sms to officials
7. check possibility of buying admin tics in advance
8. finish 3 color & composition pieces
9. read meit report, interview this friday
10. briefing officials on weds & thurs 6pm
11. briefing last batch of participants on thurs 3pm
12. meeting lay ling later in the afternoon with sam
13. find more medics & photographers from vc
14. packing of goodie bags
15. buy marche vouchers
16. complete game details
17. assign event officials
18. complete meit quiz
19. do culinery science quiz 4
20. finish saffron learning log 2
21. order food for the event
22. collect walkie talkie from tpsu
23. name games, state rules & direction on how to play + making all the clues for the event.
24. get melanie's email to send her pom report
doesn't the list just brighten up your spirit? oh well, i'm off to more work then.
happen to chance upon another friends' blog and now the song by adam sandler, i wanna grow old with you is playing and replaying in my head.
still wish i was dreaming. or should i say wasn't?
*sigh*
5 days more..
not in the mood to do anything... sudenly just...
blanked out.
i'm just tired..
feeling dejected and drowning in self pity. feeling stupid, useless and uncapable of doing anything. feeling dreadful about my future. feeling like i should just give up on life and let god banish me to hell.
i marvel at my ability to hide my thoughts. to hide who i am, or what i am.
its all so well hidden... even i myself don't know what i am anymore. what am i thinking about? what were my thoughts? i don't know...
funny how i feel i would do better dead then alive.
i only have one thought that keeps me going. one hope. something i am constantly wishing i can believe in. and all i know, is i want to be happy.
selfish? maybe.
but i don't know about anything else. this is the only thing thats keeping me going.
i feel barren.. and so vulnerable.
You Are a Retrospective Soul |
 The most misunderstood of all the soul signs. Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are. You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life. You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor. Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily. But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes. For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present. You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life. Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul |
on a valentine's day. here i am. doing work.
i'm not complaining!
lol, would u believe that?
i am receptive, understanding and reasonable girlfriend. i've already had an early celebration, so i've got no reason to complain. oh well.. but it doesn't mean the aching feeling i get when i see couples/people holding flowers/prezzies disappears. i'm sure i'm not the only one feeling this way.
bringing little monkey to school helps, somehow. shall consider bringing him everyday~! lol, i think i'm losing my mind.
back to work then. exams r up in 5 weeks. study week in 4. event, project submissions, presentation and interviews in the next 2 weeks to come. i don't have much time to squander. o how time flies...
shall get started with compiling my notes for revision when i get home.
busy busy busy
still praying that Singex call me soon. if not i'll have to call them. i feel so afraid that they'll tell me that they are full. arghz.
tired.. just got back from pan pacific hotel for sjcc agm cum "lo hei" dinner. it sucked. me and some of the guys were early but waited for the rest to go in together only to find all the tables taken so we had to be splitted up.
so it was me, leigh and kerrie to a table of 50 to 60 year old aunties that kept on yacking even though the speaker was asking for a short 5 minutes of our time. it felt rather embarassing. i pretty much kept to myself, looking at the food, getting worried over the poor waiter that had problems using his serving gear, wishing i was home, missing christopher, and calculating how long my handphone battery would last before it dies on me again.
marriage.
its not about how long we have to be together before it happens, or how old i must be. the most important thing, is being sure of who i want to spend the rest of my life with. no?
i feel sure about this. everything just feels so right. does a kiss really tell all? haha.. i'm embarassed to say more.
love the little monkey on my bed. *smiles*
yay, got ang pao money = more shopping money!! XD so excited~ but i'll have to control myself from spending everything. ah.. temptations temptations.
so glad to have this new year break. i just know the end of it will be the end of me too.
*sigh*
Singex hasn't replied me or called me. arghz. i really really hope i can get the job with them. i only want them, and them only to be the organization i have to do my s.i.p for. why haven't they called!!?? maybe it's the new year. yeah. it must be. i hope my resume was ok. thinking about this makes me paranoid!
*takes deep breaths*
ok. i'll get in. no problem. just give them a few more days. will also send my resume to intercontinental, pan pacific and conrad soon, if not tomorrow. this is for back-up. but i know i don't want to go into the hotel line anymore. f&b is worse. i'm quite a hopeless case.
anyone and everyone who happens to read this, please pray for me. please!!!!
gosh, i never felt so desperate to work for a company before. i just know i don't want to work anywhere else for my s.i.p other than Singex.
Must pray hard. Pray very very hard.
i'm stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed. stressed.
the above is an exzagerated influence, the movie, the aviator had on me. but it doesn't mean that the above isn't true. in fact, i'm so totally wind up, i can't think properly or do anything.
feel like an emotional wreck. losing my mind. stupid. dumb. and in pain. arghz.
there's a teeny weeny voice somewhere telling me.... something. something which i can't really make out yet. well, just with regards to my internship. just months ago i had been rather firm in my decision to go into the hotel industry. be a career woman, independent and all. now, i'm not sure.
i have this tingling sensation to go into another line. maybe events management. i don't know why i'm actually considering it, since i know i pretty much detest all the work i'd get. then again, after all the work, when i see most of my work coming out well, i really do feel the sense of satisfaction. its starting to offset the sense of satisfaction i get from making someone smile.
then again, i'd really want to consider going into design. ahh... so many choices. i really dare not predict what my future will be, despite what christopher tells me. its really great to have goals, but i don't think i have one. for the simple reason that i don't want to feel crushed because of one. i rather dream.
dreams are illusions that are neither real nor unreal. it can go both ways. if it doesn't happen, i know i must continue to go on with my life, whatever it may be. if it does happen, its by god's grace that he grants my wish. this way, you don't expect too much, and count your blessings. its how i live by, and how i feel satisfied with myself, with my life. i guess thats why i don't complain if i don't have this, or don't have that. i'm blessed that i have all the basic things i really need in life... anything and everything else, is a gift.
i guess whats the most difficult thing to do, is to live after the dream is fulfilled. the moments of happiness will never last. maybe it sounds alittle harsh, but thats what reality is. don't you think?