Sunday, December 26, 2004 @8:47 PM
a heartfelt song
christmas is over.. but the celebration of christ is more than just december 25th. =)
haven't been blogging for the past few days b'coz either i was too busy with my school work, my home computer died on me, or i just suddenly lost the mood. its been quite an emotional ride for the past week... and many times i feel so strangled by my workload. i'm not coping too well i guess. or is there just too many things to be done?
things undone:
1) submitting my culinary science learning log
2) research for another main course dish for saffron
3) finish accounts tutorial 3
4) finish principals of management(pom) tutorial 3
5) revise for pom test this wednesday
6) write a resume for my internship
7) reseach and do a write-up for social escorts
8) finish color and composition design
9) research and prepare answers for meit facilitation
10) get contacts for the sponsorship of cleo magazine for my event
11) contact my sub-committees and purpose a date for a meeting
12) edit my memorandum and submit to saa
13) go to sentosa to view places i can hold event stations
14) plan games and activities for the event
15) pray that i get a good banner design for the event
everything just takes a lot of time. and i seem to be running out of it. even though chris says i'm turning to be quite a workaholic, i just don't seem to be able to clear the list. its amazing how some people wish to even be in my position. sigh, i'll just put it aside for now.
the past few days came and went so quickly. watched the phantom of the opera today with jolyn and angelina. its been some time since i spent time with the both of them. felt sad that verna couldn't join us, and i almost didn't want to go too. but luckily i did, cos it was a really nice movie. loved the songs that were sung.. no wonder is such a legendary classic show. wish i could see it in the theather one day, everyone seem to say its better then the movie.. i can only imagine.
yesterday, i spent my christmas with amelia. amos the pig couldn't come cos he was sleeping.. but i'm still happy that at least amelia turned up. we decided to watch kung fu hustle, and bought tickets before going for lunch at pastamania. chatted about many things, like her life in taiwan and the things going on in my life too. when we thought it was finally time to watch the movie though, we left for the cinema, bought drinks and nachos... only to realise that the timing of our show was wrong. the silly aunty at the ticketing counter made a mistake and went i went back to consult her, she denied it. at least she offered to refund us. but what about the food we bought? after discussing with amelia, we decided that we'll wait another 1 hour and 20mins for the next show on our tickets. as for the food, we asked a guy from the candy bar to either let our food be kept there or allow us a refund. he was kind enough to let our food be kept warm, and keep the drink in the fridge~ i felt rather pleased with the service from both sides after that. even though it was really rather embarassing to make such requests in the first place. with the food out of our hands, we just spent the remaining time walking around the mall. and i bought a precious moments file from precious thots. had flashes of kerrie and rebecca then..
anyway, the movie wasn't too bad either. both of us concluded that we don't believe amos didn't laugh throughout the show. i'd say its way better then the last stephen cheng movie, shoulin soccer. it was pretty much time to say goodbye after the movie then.. hopefully i'll be able to send her off at the airport on the 8th.. the next time i'll be able to see them would probably be 3 months later (if i'm lucky), or 7months later (if i'm not).
spent the rest of the day at home then. nothing really exciting to it.
don't want to mention every bit and pieces that happened this week. maybe part of me can't really remember, maybe part of me just don't want to.
but life goes on.
even though sometimes i feel as if i lost a part of me somewhere, i want to get up again. i need to find myself again. to be how and who i used to be. its strange how listening to music helps, somewhat.
can't wait for chinese new year. so extremely broke now, especially after watching two movies conscutively. i should start drowning myself in books, since i can't afford comics now.
till then.
tomorrow will be a new day.
Saturday, December 18, 2004 @5:02 PM
inspired
haha, i finished reading the book in one day yesterday and i went to the library to catch the show today! feel really insipired of sorts. have this urge to follow her lifestyle.. smoke and drink and smoke and drink. lol. it'll definately cost me a bomb. but thats not the point. point is, she was still attractive even though she's alittle plum (flashback of me and cher hao) and yea, she attracts such good men! arghz, i'm throughly envious.
shall learn her style of writing though, i found it really interesting. gotta be myself. pen down more thoughts. heck to what people thinks. i wanna be sexy, naughty, and bitchy? hmm.. ok, i'm starting to have second thoughts already.
anyways, after the movie in the library, i went to tampines mall to get my contact lens (i did manage to spend only $5 of my allowance this week and save the $35 for my lenses! hah!) and do some christmas shopping. not that i have any cash for it, but at least window shopping might give me an idea on what to buy when i get my allowance for the next week.
the mall was rather crowded.. its been weeks, maybe months since i went to the mall alone, so i guess i was rather uneasy. had images of myself in the past, how i'd pretend i was the most beautiful ice queen. and when guys looked at me, i'd pretend to be cool.
then came memories of delong. like there weren't enough at home already.. i had voices in my head debating whether to call, or not to call him. really so wanted to ask him out for some company.. but i slapped myself for thinking so. i should learn to stop thinking about it. i'll never admit i'm obsessed, thinking about it. then i thought of calling others. but i think i do better as a loner.
anyway, i met ella at a retail shop and she asked "are you the catherine i know?". funny how her question was, but i know what she meant, so i said "yea, i am the catherine you know" lol. then i embarassed myself when i asked if she was carol. she said no. i said caroline? she said no. i gave up and finally asked what was her name then, and she said ella. finally attaining enlightenment, i said "oh, the one from 4a!" then she finally gave me the look that "yeah, she is the catherine i know". ahaha, next she exclaimed "oh! you lost so much weight!" and i wonder if i was really that fat in secondary school..
left the shop with a pair of studded earrings and went walking around the interchange. cut long story short, i got a stalk of red rose before i got back. though its not from a guy, it still made my day ^^ so happy!
okok, shall go tank miff in ro now.
Thursday, December 16, 2004 @10:36 PM
dazing
i suddenly have this wierd fantasy of standing atop a really high building, where there's nothing taller than i am, and in the cool night sky.. i see firecrackers shooting up in the sky in different directions, and the sky just light up from it.
i just want something breath taking.
having flashes of my dream honeymoon in venice.. now i wonder if i'll even get married. i really don't know alot of things. i get cheated so easily. i feel emotional so easily. is controlling yourself such a bad thing?
sometimes my mind is not thinking what my heart is thinking. sometimes my heart doesn't understand what my mind is thinking. sometimes my thoughts wander around to him. sometimes i have the urge to pick up my phone and call him.
i know i'm still dwelling in my own world. and i don't know how to let people in. i feel afraid of the things i might do wrong.. wondering if i should accept the concern i'm getting from some people...
i feel like crying.
but i have no time to cry. jamie is strangling me with work from sports club. i hardly have the appetite to eat or sleep. and everytime i do catch a few moments of sleep, he calls and tells me things i don't understand. things i can't make out in the midst of popping my sleezy bubbles of dream.
got tonnes of revision work to keep myself occupied. and a book kelvin lent me last tuesday. was so touched he remembered about lending me the bridget jones diary. there's always so many cases of people saying that they'll lend people things but never remember to bring them? i'm also guilty of that crime. so all the more i appreciate his efforts.
i better start picking myself up. there's alot of work to be done.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004 @8:32 PM
freezing fingers
sitting in the clubroom for too long never fails to bring my fingers to my butt. i need warmth!! haha.. can't wait to go home.
but then again, i wouldn't mind staying here since i got a computer all to myself in the room and no one to nag at me to get off and go study or whatever. somehow i'm sure my mom have broken the news to my dad. which would explains his "attempt" to drop hints on me that i should study hard and not sleep late as it somehow is related to self suicide? it just doesn't make sense.
but i was told that i look horrible. my sleeping regime is totally disrupted. my love for sleep and food is somehow unfelt. and i've been slipping into a daze more often than before. but its not something i wish to change? maybe its a bit unhealthy, but it'll get better. i know it would.
feels good to have friends. i don't have much, but i wouldn't have asked for more than the ones who are by me right now.
on the bright side, i'm still keeping up with my work.. though being chased with regards to sports club. i'm doing a one man show planning! give me a break~
hmm.. maybe too much breaks ain't gd. i feel fat.
Monday, December 13, 2004 @10:14 PM
tears of no return
it's never felt so different. i feel so ready to gear into going into an undercover mission somehow. everything feels so unnatural and surreal to me.
i let questions hit me by and by.. and i shove them aside one by one. frankly i don't remember what i'm thinking most of the day. ask me what i learnt and i'll just give you a blank face. coz somehow my mind is somewhere else, and i can't bring myself to listen to the little voice inside me because my mind refuses to do so.
i'm just living my life the way i know i should. the best i can.
Sunday, December 05, 2004 @4:10 PM
school tomorrow
like o, finally i can post again.. sometimes, if its not blogger having a screwup, its my computer being served buggy appertizers.. don't even ask what the main course is.
been rather down lately. can't seem to catch up with whats happening around me.. losing the people around me..
just in one week, i found out there's two more resignations in my club.. i have to organize one more project by myself.. i signed a one year contract by mistake.. got striken by guilt.. the death of my good friend's relative.. the thought of school starting just tomorrow.. and my parent's realization about school so i'm not allowed to play for more than 2 hours from now on.
the holidays came and went too quickly. i don't feel like going to school at all.. to meet all the new faces and get to know people all over again.. suddenly i feel so tired.
sigh.