i haven't blogged in a month. which i suppose is really good because most of the time when i blog, its because i'm really upset or angry. either that, or perhaps i'm starting to pms.

seriously. there should be many things i should be happy about. my birthday just passed, nothing big or eventful that day but i was really contented. there was even a surprise how an intern of jason saw me and later commented that i was really pretty.

i have a wii in the house now. bought just 2 days ago counting the fact that today is almost over anyway. its expensive, but really fun. i'm still recovering from the heartache of the sheer cost of it. this month is really going to be lean for both myself and jason...

and today had been payday.

somehow it didn't change the fact that i'm tired. when i'm tired because of the lack of sleep, i either get depressed or grumpy. usually grumpy. but do i let that affect anyone? no. perhaps jason do get affected since we're close and he'll feel the direct effects... but i've never let anything, be it lack of sleep or whatsoever, affect my friends or colleagues.

i've been through alot in my life, even though it may not be comparable to some people, it has still been barely what i could bare to live through. i won't compare my experiences with others but somehow i expect at least to be spared from being caught in the melodrama life of others. i haven't subject any of my own drama on anyone other than jason, because he's different. you on the other hand give everyone an attitude and still have the time and sensible mind to post what you think on facebook.

most people have been rather kind thinking of your moods whilst working with you. still you show your attitude as if things going wrong in your life were their fault or you just couldn't give a damn about others other than yourself anyway. you're in customer service yet i don't see you have the initiative to be helpful UNLESS you're in a really good mood. how unprofessional. the fact that you're always posting on facebook also seems like you want/need all the attraction/sympathy from everyone. i know u met a rather bastardy guy but i had thought by your age you should be able to deal with it at your own stride without going at the expense of other's feelings. suddenly i'm seriously starting to wonder how some colleagues seem to treat u the way they do. how come suddenly so many people/dept seem to be 'bullying' the reception counter? perhaps it has something to do with your own personal character? it works just like the golden principle: do onto others as you would want others to do unto you.

treating you nicely doesn't give you the RIGHT to abuse my friendship.

i feel so much anger and grief working.

i know after sleeping tonight, i'll be fine the next morning. i'll be the same as i always am. i just to sleep over it.

have not been updating my blog for some time now.. too busy/tired i guess.. no news is sometimes good news eh?

life's been pretty alrite.. i've adjusted to my braces.. well somewhat.. so long as its not hard food, i'd buy it out of sheer craving anyways. never knew the food i crave can get so unhealthy... its only been a week and my bands are alil stained already. oops..

am kinda giddy with fever so i'm really really glad jason's got his driving license today! thank god~ it calls for a celebration eh? :D so happy for him, tho i do have a tinge of worry with him driving my parents car over a long distance (my place to the airport)... i'm always worried about getting lost but he somehow doesn't see this as an issue. so should be ok la hor? it has to start somewhere ma... once he get the hang of it, going anywhere won't be a problem anymore~ cos i don't have to drive~!! weeee~

time passes by so fast.. mom and dad are coming home tonight from macau.. i really do enjoy the house being empty without them... its like, so peaceful and quiet.. and when jason comes over it almost feels as if its 'our' house. mmm... so anyways, i hope my parents had fun.. i wonder if i'd get any souvenirs.. mmm... shall have no expectations to avoid disappointments.. oohh but i do wish for one... 

quite a few things are coming up in the following weeks sia.. there's the pc show over the weekends, kinokuniya sale starting next week, dinner appointments, another trip to malaysia, fathers day, bii's ippt.. and my birthday!

so fast eh? its going to be half a year since we've been together too.. may there be many more months to come~ :)

well, on my lower jaw for now. won't get the ones fixed on my upper jaw until july 21st.

its quite unbelieveable. still feels rather amazing that i really have braces now. somehow, it strangely feels surreal...

not the pain tho.. the pain is very very real.

i've been taking so much panadol, i can't deny i think i'm feeling alil addicted to it. but i know its bad, so i'm cutting down before i go on overdose, and before i damage my livers... or is it kidneys?

anyways, i'm rather glad i've got the ceremic braces too.. it looks like plastic and somehow its just nicer to see, as compared to a mouth full of metal. not that a mouth full of metal is bad. i mean, the ones i saw right, the metal braces, looked quite nice too cos the brackets were pretty small. then i thought metal might just be better cos i was actually really worried that the ceremic will look yellow (since they say its tooth coloured) so i'd rather have metal then yellow teeth.. like, i'd rather people know i'm wearing braces then think i didn't brush my teeth ma.. lol, yes yes, very vain of me... so i'm glad its pretty white in the end.

ugh...

forgive me if i can't help/stop agonizing... Oow...

and i have finally embarked on the journey to getting braces. theres no turning back now... sometimes i still can't believe it. and then there's the constant pain to remind me.

somehow i had thought extraction was hard. enduring the seperators is a totally different matter altogether. i was shaking, bleeding and yowling when the dentist was putting the seperators between my teeth. and now, thanks to them too, i've eaten more panadols consecutively in 2 days then i've ever had in my life. i'm not really exaggerating..

in the past i'd be rather mindful of the amount of panadols i gulf down but now, i'm like counting down to the next hour i get to take them again. how should i put it? its not the kind of pain that results from a cut or bruise. it just somehow feels so bad that it gives me such awful headaches.. and then there's the codine that i think is making me more constipated then i already am. AND not to forget the conflict of needing to stay awake when the meds just make me sleepy...

yes, in summary, its really torturous. on a flip side, i actually welcome my new diet tho. although its really inconvenient to have to be on a lookout for food that are easy to swollow, the food i've been eating (basically just porridge, egg and tofu) everyday weren't all that bad. also i'm not too sure what is causing my lack of appetite but thanks to that, i only eat 1 or 2 meals a day so at least i don't get sick of all the porridge, tofu and egg.

jeremy has been really encouraging everytime i sulked around him. so i really REALLY hope everything will just go on smoothly and be worth it in the end. then theres the current joke going around the small hut on how braces might affect my relationship. or should i say the joke on how jo thinks it will affect my relationship. while i defended indignantly, it becomes funny as we all try to imgaine how aggressive jo might be in kissing her husband :x

hope i can eat durian and proper food by this saturday.. and i have till next monday for 2 more tooth extraction and the decision to make..... should i put metal or ceremic braces?? @_@

i have not stayed past 3am in a really long while... and yes, i'm really really tired.

its mental torture. not even playing bejewel twist for the past hour or so seems to help. my brain feels dead (thanks to bejewel) but it doesn't stop those mental images of pain, blood and agony thats waiting for me.. argh.. perhaps ignorance is really bliss and i really shouldn't have watched so much youtube videos.

some of them were really great tho, you see the transformation and like, omg... its definitely worth it for him/her. what went by in those few minutes actually took 2yrs. 2 freaking years!! thank god for them that it was worth it. and then there were the other videos of ops that had way too much details. theres like blood and its like you can just feel the pain even tho you're in the comfort of your bedroom chair.

i still can't imagine myself with braces. should i go with metal or ceremic? should i take some painkillers before i go for my extraction? i know i should eat something before i go but i don't have any appetite now and i doubt i'll have any later. but i'm worried that i might faint again. i hope the dentist is good. maybe i really should have just went to my own dentist for the extraction. at least i know he's good. but then again i know its all too late to talk about this now. i'm just 7 hours away from my appointment. maybe if i'm lucky, i could still catch 5hrs of sleep.

yes yes.. i'm just rambling nonsense. sigh, i wish the malaysia trip was last saturday and not this coming saturday. now i also have to worry about eating properly when i get there. suddenly i feel so unprepared. suddenly things seem to be happening so fast. or maybe i'm just getting alil too paranoid. like, its just extraction and maybe i'll have seperators placed in. i haven't exactly, or i'm not literally getting the braces on later...

arghhhhh...... why do you have to be by some stupid swamp when i need you? i think i'm going all emo from the lack of sleep. i hate dentist!!!!! fk fk fk fk fk!!!

i'll be fine, i know.


i know.



or i think i know...

i'm just really not looking forward to it..

sobs. but i do want my teeth straightened. :(

sigh, i want and need to be left alone.

think perhaps i had a writer's block of some sort and haven't been updating... either that or at times when i do have something to blog about, i was prolly just too tired then to turn my com on and do so.

now suddenly its may! yiling, hester & my sis's birthday have passed and the next big occasion is mother's day. feel rather thankful that i've already given her something and all i have to concentrate on is surviving till my next pay comes in. and also figure out how to pass everyone else their presents. weird eh? 3 ppl's birthday have passed and i haven't given them their present tho i've bought them before the event. BUT i've already bought and given my mom her share of mother's day present BEFORE its event mothers day. i think i must be getting somewhat paranoid of sorts. but hey, she was nicer to me. i've been having propers dinners when i come back from home (NOTE! Not instant noodles!!) so yea... what a joke.

i think the next few weeks that follow will be very eventful. like, after i get my pay.. it'll be a few days grace before i go for my molar extraction on the 18th. then there might be a trip to malaysia for durian and shopping on 23rd... and then more extraction and pain on the 25th (oh! it'll also be our 5th month anni! haa..). i've got something in mind to buy but i think he already knows anyway lol..

feel really scared and nervous as days pass. actually i still haven't formed my list of things i wanna eat before i get braces on. like, i can't really even remember what nice, hard and chewy food are out there. *shrugs*

thanks to ash, i'm rather scared to bits by the pain i might have to endure. but jeremy encouraged that i'll definitely lose weight. i better! as skinny as possible.. haha..

ah, while having lunch with the girls from cfs, i seemed to be alittle reprimanded for spoiling the market of being a nice gf. apparently, their bf, fiance and husband are all guys who shower them with tlc and will do anything for em. of which includes doing housework, washing the dishes, ironing, buying jewellery...

it all started with me asking where to buy and how much starch cost. apparently i'm not suppose to iron his clothes (since it has only been 4mths) cos if i started, i'll be doomed with it forever (should we ever get married). then the next question that followed was the dishes, and more which i can't really remember... all i can say is... its pretty tough to be a guy eh? i mean, just listening to them, i could feel that its pretty hard work and if i can feel tired just listening to chores, imagine having to do them in real life...

somehow it didn't seem that difficult back when i was in ozzie. i wonder why? now that i'm back in sg, i relish laundry, cooking and doing the dishes. thinking of it kinda makes me miss ash cos we usually do it together. i really do miss the carefree life back in oz instead of the debt-filled life here in sg... and then sj's words flash by my head ''girls right now your age should be saving up for marriage". i can't help but make a bitter laugh at that.

and life just seem even more bleak at that.

ok i think i rambled quite alot now. may tomorrow be a better day..

i got really sick on monday with a really bad headache and some fever due to some infection. i know i know, its a vague description... haha.

mom is alrite. doc says the lumps are just oil...

freaking suay that i might not be able to claim any $$ back at all for seeing the doctor.

sigh...

oh, and i'm like 85% sure i'll be getting braces. cos like, i've taken the x-ray, done the mould, fixed my 3 appointments with the dentist to have the extraction, and banding etc... and i feel like, ohmigosh, i still can't believe its real, that its actually happening...

but i do have reasons for the remaining 15% chance that its all just an illusion. that % refers to the slim chance that my mom might just suddenly refuse to let me get it done, for no aparent reason. its ever so possible from my ever so unpredictable mother la. so until i've seen her make payment, who knows, i might not be getting braces afterall (tho i still have a really badly decayed molar thats starting to hurt).

had another family drama today. sometimes i really do feel amazed at how me and my sister keep our sainity...

i'll say no more. suddenly i just wish time would fly alil faster now.. wanna grow alil faster, earn alil more, and then finally, move out or something.. yeah i know then again its all really just too far fetched to imagine for now..

short term goal: look forward to the weekends.. 

kyasarin ling
a simple girl thats not very expressive, but appreciates all things beautiful, a variety of music, mum mums and watersports while living through life.
my birthday falls on 28th june! (lunar birthday is 22nd may~) hee hee :)

[braces]
[purple nanochrome]
[new bags]
[strike toto]
[a study bible]
[more dresses]
[a laptop cover/case]
[pink canon/sony digi cam]
[travel to taiwan/hk]
[travel to s.korea]
[travel to japan]
[travel to europe]





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